


Change For The Best

by alycat



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Angst, Knotting, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Self-Lubrication, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-01-29
Packaged: 2018-01-10 12:30:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alycat/pseuds/alycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After one year together, Jensen wants to take the next step in his relationship with Jared. Before that can happen, change comes in a form he never expected and it turns his world upside down. Just when he’s grown accustomed to his new life, everything changes once more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change For The Best

**Author's Note:**

> _Author's note:_ Written for SPN Reversebang  
> I was lucky enough to claim the amazing [Shifterkrooi](http://shifterkrooi.livejournal.com/) whose art was very inspiring and she has been wonderful to work with. Nothing like a challenge where you get an awesome artist and a new friend!

 

  
**[Fic Masterpost](http://alezig.livejournal.com/57503.html)** \- **[Art Masterpost](http://shifterkrooi.livejournal.com/19238.html)**

Jensen turned off the computer and breathed out a sigh of relief, leaning back into the comfortable desk chair and removing his glasses before closing his eyes for a moment. Too many hours spent pouring over the manuscript he had been editing, but he knew it was good and even with a nasty cold having put him out for almost a week he had managed to make the deadline. He wasn't happy about having spent hours and hours in his office cubicle, but he knew he wouldn't have been able to focus if he worked from home.

"Jensen?"

He blinked his eyes open and saw his boss standing leaning over the edge of his cubicle, a small smile on her lips.

"Amanda, I got the manuscript in," he told her, getting up from the chair to the sound of wheels scraping over the linoleum flooring.

"Of course you did, never doubted you for a moment," Amanda said. "Are you feeling better?"

Jensen stretched until his back popped and he could see Amanda wincing at the sound.

"I'm feeling okay," he assured her. "I'm just tired from staring at these pages for hours and hours. But at least it's Friday and I plan to not read for the entire weekend."

Amanda nodded and stepped aside when Jensen reached for his bag and walked out into the corridor. Together the two of them made their way towards the elevators and Jensen could feel himself relax with every step that they took.

"Do you and Jared have any plans?" Amanda asked when the elevator dinged and the doors slid open.

When he had first started working for Tapping Publications he hadn't really had any thoughts of telling them he was gay, but that was before Jared Padalecki happened. Jared just wasn't the kind of person Jensen wanted to keep quiet about; he wanted to brag about his boyfriend. He was lucky that Amanda had made her support perfectly clear and no one had ever spoken out against him, even when he chose to work more from home than he had before.

"We're going out for dinner and clubbing this evening," Jensen said with a smile.

He leant against the wall of the elevator, watching the numbers tick down and tiredness gave way to eagerness at the thought of his boyfriend. Exactly one year with Jared and the man still had the same effect on Jensen that he had in their first fumbling days together.

"That's good, Jensen," Amanda nodded. " Allan and I are going out for dinner; the joys of having my parents taking the kids for the weekend. I'll see you back at the office on Monday. Have a good weekend."

Jensen already knew it would be a good weekend and he got it confirmed when he stepped out of the office, waving goodbye to Amanda and then looking over to see Jared leaning against his black motorcycle, leather jacket over one shoulder and a big grin on his face. Looking down at his own slightly wrinkled slacks and soft button-down he knew he might not seem Jared’s type but that was part of the charm. Being with Jared had opened up a new world to him.

"I got your helmet," Jared said when Jensen crossed the sidewalk and stopped in front of him.

"I know," Jensen said and took the helmet from Jared's hand before pushing up and pressing his lips against Jared's.

The kiss was barely more than a brush of lips but it made Jensen feel alive and he would never get enough of the way Jared tasted.

"Get on the bike," Jared said when they pulled apart. "We’ve got some celebrating to do. Happy anniversary, Jensen."

One year and Jensen was slowly gathering up courage for one very important question and maybe some alcohol in his system was the way the way to go. He knew he was ready to live together with Jared; he just hoped that his boyfriend felt the same way. At thirty Jensen was ready to settle down but Jared was younger and Jensen could only hope that his boyfriend shared some of his own feelings.

"Happy anniversary," Jensen said as he put on the helmet.

Jared straddled the bike and looked back over his shoulder, visor pushed up and he smiled when Jensen got up behind him and wrapped his arms around Jared's waist. When the bike took off Jensen pressed himself closer to Jared and let it take him away from the dullness of the office and towards a wonderful weekend with his boyfriend.

A weekend that hopefully would change things between them.

 

The kisses had started in the cab heading back from the club, neither of them caring about the way the cab driver glared at them and by the time they pulled into a stop in front of Jared's apartment complex Jensen was rock hard in his now too-tight jeans.

"Here," Jared said, handing a few bills over to the driver, enough to cover their fare twice but Jensen didn't care. "Now we need to get inside."

They were still kissing when they made their way up the steps and Jared was too busy letting his hands roam over Jensen's body to actually get the door open. Jensen managed to get his own key out and even in that moment he couldn't help but grin at the fact that he had his own key to Jared's place. For a moment he thought they might not even make it to the apartment, not with the way Jared's hands were moving more and more greedily over Jensen's body, pushing in under his t-shirt to get to warm skin.

It was far from the first time Jared had gotten possessive once they were out and Jensen might secretly love the way Jared's eyes narrowed when he saw others look at Jensen and the way he always laid down his claim. Jensen did manage to guide them both down the hallway and into Jared's apartment but that was as far as Jared let them go before he kicked the door shut behind them. Jensen felt the air catch in his throat when Jared easily lifted him off the ground and slammed him up against the wall, hands cupping Jensen's ass and holding him in place, and he groaned when lips trailed down over his neck.

"You have a bedroom," Jensen managed to get out but all he got in response was a low growl that sent a shiver of pure excitement down his spine.

He knew that Jared could be soft and gentle, had had it proven to him time and time again in the times that Jared had laid Jensen down on the bed and slowly driven him insane with lips, tongue and hands. No matter how good those times were, the best were always the times when Jared manhandled him and Jensen couldn't get enough of it.

"Fuck," he gasped when Jared rocked his hips forward, pushing Jensen harder against the wall.

"I could fuck you just like this," Jared groaned. "Strip you bare and finger you open."

A part of Jensen really wanted to let Jared do just that, wanted to offer himself up for his boyfriend to take, but he really wanted to get to a bed, wanted Jared to fuck him until the both of them were too sore to move and then pass out tangled together in sweat damp sheets.

"You could," Jensen agreed, wrapping his arms around Jared's neck. "But I'm sure we'd have a lot more fun in bed. Take me there."

Jared took a firmer grip on Jensen and pushed away from the wall, easily holding Jensen's weight as he walked them towards the bedroom, stumbling slightly when Jensen took the opportunity to lick the warm skin of Jared's neck.

"Damnit, Jensen," Jared protested. "If you do that I'm gonna drop you."

The door to the bedroom was already wide open and Jensen thought that was a very good thing; he wasn't sure either of them were willing to let go long enough to open it. And even when they fell down on the bed they did so entangled in each other.

"Too much clothing," Jared growled and to Jensen's shocked surprise he tugged at Jensen's t-shirt hard enough to tear the fabric.

"Hey, what…"

Jared silenced him with a heated kiss that was still laced with the sweetness of the drinks they had consumed, but underlying that was the taste of Jared himself and that was something Jensen would never get enough of. His tongue tangled with Jared's and he couldn't find it in himself to be upset about the torn clothes, not when Jared was already pushing down Jensen's jeans to wrap one huge hand around his cock.

Sometimes Jensen felt guilty about how much he liked Jared going alpha male on him, but there was no shame in that moment, only pure pleasure when Jared roughly got Jensen out of his clothes and then pulled back long enough to look down at Jensen. Jensen was sure he could feel Jared's gaze on him like a trail of fire over his skin.

He didn't think it only was the alcohol in their systems that made Jared act the way he did; there was something more there even though Jensen couldn't put his finger on it. But he couldn't care. Not when Jared's fingers trailed down his cock, stroking over the sensitive skin on his sac before they brushed over Jensen's hole.

"Jared," Jensen groaned. "You got...too much clothes…"

Jared laughed, his breath hot against Jensen's skin but he did pull back once more and Jensen reached out to help him out of his clothes as well. He couldn't keep back the groan when he pushed down Jared's pants and his boyfriend's cock was freed. Jensen loved everything about Jared, how could he not, but he also really loved the feel of Jared's cock. He felt his mouth watering as he watched Jared kick the last of his clothes off.

"Gonna fuck you so good," Jared said, reaching out to grab the lube from it's place on the bedside table. "Gonna.."

"Damnit," Jensen groaned. "Less talking and more… Get me ready."

He spread his legs, offering Jared a place between them and he gasped when lube-slicked fingers brushed over his hole, a teasing touch that made Jensen long for more.

"Jay," Jensen managed to get out. "I'd like to come this side of the New Year."

Jared huffed out a laugh at the same time as he pushed one long finger inside Jensen, causing him to hiss at the sudden stretch. He reached up to tangle his hands in Jared's hair, groaning when Jared slowly started working his finger in and out at the same time as he leaned in and sucked bruises into the sensitive skin of Jensen's hip.

"You taste so good," Jared mumbled. "I just wish I could…"

He didn't say anything more, instead pushing a second finger inside and Jensen pushed down, needing to feel more and Jared didn't disappoint. The first brush of fingers against his prostate had Jensen crying out, his fingers clenching into Jared's hair and pulling him up.

"It's enough," he groaned.

"I don't wanna hurt you," Jared protested but he was already reaching down, slicking his hard cock and Jensen knew they were both far beyond the point of taking it easy.

"Not like this," Jensen said, sitting up and he couldn't hold back a wince when Jared's fingers slid free. "I want you...like this."

Turning around Jensen pushed himself up on all fours and looked back over his shoulder, spreading his legs wide for Jared.

"Jen," Jared said and Jensen could hear the strain in his voice, the struggle to hold back.

For all the times they'd had each other, it had never been like this and Jensen didn't know why, only knew that it was something that he wanted and he needed Jared to give it to him. And maybe it was wrong of him to ask it when they were both more than drunk, but Jensen wasn't above playing dirty.

"Please, I want to feel you, like this."

He pushed back until he could feel the hard length of Jared's cock against his ass, sliding through the lube and dragging over his hole.

"I'm not sure I can hold back if we do this," Jared mumbled behind him.

Jensen already knew it would be hard, that much had been obvious since the first heated kiss at the club and he didn't really understand Jared's hesitation. He never wanted Jared to hold back with him.

"I know you would never hurt me," Jensen pleaded. "Take me, like this. Fuck me."

For a moment the hesitation lingered but Jensen could tell the second Jared gave in. His boyfriend shifted, cock aligning perfectly and Jensen couldn't hold back a shocked moan when Jared started pushing inside. Jared's grip on his hips was tight enough that Jensen was sure it would leave mark and he already longed for those marks, wanted to have proof of belonging to Jared.

"Damn, you're so tight, the way your body just opens up and…"

The words faded away and Jensen wasn't sure if Jared was still speaking or not, his world narrowed down to the feel of Jared pushing inside, deeper and deeper and Jensen clenched his hands onto the sheets beneath him. He hoped that Jared wouldn't consider taking it easy, and it was as if his boyfriend could read his mind because Jared pulled back for the briefest of moments before he slammed back in hard enough to push Jensen forward on the bed. If Jensen had thought it was good before, it had nothing on the feeling of Jared's fingers sliding down to touch where Jensen was spread around him, rim slick with lube and Jared's pre-come.

"Always wanted you like this," Jared said and the words were close to a growl, a sound Jensen had never heard from his boyfriend before. "Never thought I'd…"

Jensen arched back against Jared, needing more even though he knew he would be aching from the hard fucking the following day. Flexing around the cock inside him he could hear Jared gasp before he almost fell forward, body blanketing Jensen's and his breath hot and moist against Jensen's neck. He could already feel the orgasm starting to build inside him, pleasure soaring with each snap of Jared's hips.

"Shouldn't want...but fuck. Jensen," Jared mumbled against his neck, tongue sliding out to taste and Jensen shivered at the touch.

He wasn't really aware of what was happening until soft kisses against the pulse point turned into something more. The first brush of teeth made Jensen cry out in pain-laced pleasure and he pushed back against Jared behind him, orgasm rushing through him faster and harder than ever before.

"Jay!" Jensen groaned.

Through the haze of his release Jensen barely registered the growl half muffled against his neck but a sharp, intense pain cut through it all as Jensen felt teeth pierce his skin, much deeper and sharper than he would ever have thought possible from a human. The heat of pleasure was suddenly overwhelmed by something more intense. At first it didn't really override the pleasure and Jensen opened his mouth to ask all the questions that wanted to come out but instead he screamed when it suddenly felt as if his blood was turned into liquid fire.

"Fuck, no! Jensen! Jen, can you hear me?"

Jensen could hear Jared's words but they didn't really make sense and there was no way he would be able to form words in response. He could feel Jared's hands move over his skin but there was no comfort to be had in the touch and Jensen tried to get away from it but his limbs didn't respond the way he wanted them to.

_What did you do to me?_

The words rattled in his mind but he couldn't get them out and he was sure that the keening sound he heard came from him. He knew Jared had pulled away from him, could hear him move around the room but none of it mattered as much as the pain burning him up from the inside. It didn't ease up, just building higher and higher and Jensen didn't think anyone should be able to take something like that and he thought he could feel his own sanity slip away by the second.

"I'm so sorry."

Those were the last words Jensen heard before he slipped into the blessed oblivion of unconsciousness.

 

Pain.

Jensen's world was nothing but pain and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut, trying to block out the world around him. The fire was gone, that much he could tell, but there wasn't a part of him that wasn't aching and Jensen felt as if the very bones of his body were shifting, changing and nothing made sense to him anymore.

He thought the sound barely registering in the back of his mind was someone speaking but he couldn't get the sounds to fit together into words and in the end he allowed himself to sleep without ever really having come awake.

 

"Jensen? Can you hear me? Please baby, please. Fuck, I'm so damn sorry."

Jared sounded wrecked, voice cracking with emotion and Jensen wanted to say something to calm him down but his own body didn't respond the way he wanted it to. His eyes felt too heavy and it was a struggle to get them open. When he parted his lips to say something he realized just how parched he felt.

"You're awake," Jared's voice reached him and Jensen thought he sounded relieved. "Finally. I'll go get…"

"Don't…" Jensen managed to get out, wincing at how scratchy his voice was. "Don't leave."

He could tell that something was seriously wrong and he needed Jared there with him, needed an explanation to what had happened because the last thing Jensen remembered was…

"You bit me," he managed to get out, opening his eyes and looking up at Jared.

Only his boyfriend wasn't the blurry thing he should be, considering Jensen wasn't wearing glasses. He could see Jared perfectly even though his eyes felt dry along with the rest of him and that wasn't right. Looking around he realized he wasn't in the place he last remembered either. Wherever he was, it wasn't Jared's bedroom.

"I know, and I'm so sorry," Jared said, stepping closer to the bed and one huge hand reached out to brush through Jensen's hair in a soft caress.

Jensen squeezed his eyes shut, pulling in a few deep breaths but they didn't help to calm him down, all they did was make him cough.

"Here, drink this."

A straw was pushed to his lips and Jensen eagerly sucked at it, groaning when cold water slid down his throat. He didn't let go until he had drained the glass Jared had offered to him. He looked around the room again, taking in the warm gray tones and the suede headboard towering over him. The bed was huge, taking up a big portion of the big room and there was something about the soft fabrics and high headboard that just screamed power.

"You… Why are we here?" he asked, wetting his lips and for once Jared's gaze didn't fall down to his lips.

"What do you remember?" Jared asked, inching himself back from Jensen.

Jensen had to think about it, memories coming back in fragments, like an image that had been shattered with a pain so intense it made everything else fade away.

"We were out dancing," Jensen said slowly, looking down at the dark sheets covering him up to the waist where he was half lying against the sea of pillows. "Came home and fucked and then you bit me and…"

That was where the memories stopped making sense, where pleasure was replaced with something very different and Jensen could feel the pain of it still, a phantom ache that left burn marks inside of him.

"I never meant for that to happen," Jared said slowly, shaking his head. "I should never have agreed to take you in that position. It was too much of a temptation and I was weak."

Weak wasn't a word Jensen would ever have used to describe Jared, but in that moment he didn't see much of his strong boyfriend in the man sitting in front of him. Jared's fingers were nervously twisting the corner of the sheet back and forth, his eyes never coming up to look at Jensen. Jensen was sure that he was missing something in the conversation, something that kept the parts from fitting together and his memory from making sense.

"What happened? Why am I here?" Jensen asked, looking around the expansive room once more. "And where is _here_?"

Jared pushed off from the bed and walked over to the big windows and only then did Jensen realize it wasn't the city that stretched out on the other side, all he could see was trees.

"This is the home of my pack leader," Jared said with his back still to Jensen. "My alpha."

The words didn't make sense, they didn't mean anything and they explained nothing.

"Pack?" Jensen asked, trying to sit up straighter but his entire body was too weak and he sank back down into the pillows.

"What do you know about werewolves?" Jared asked, turning back towards Jensen but the backlighting prevented Jensen from seeing his face.

Jensen laughed weakly but Jared remained silent and Jensen realized that it wasn't a joke.

"They turn into wolves during the full moon," Jensen answered. "They…are vulnerable to silver and they are _not real_."

"We're real," Jared said. Jensen was sure he could feel his entire world slip sideways and he thought the shadows suddenly seemed darker than they had a moment earlier.

"No," Jensen said, shaking his head violently. "Why are you… Stop. Jared, this isn't funny. It's insane."

"We can change even if the moon isn't full," Jared continued, ignoring Jensen's protest. "The silver part is true, but it takes a lot of silver to take us down."

Jensen was about to protest more because what Jared said couldn't be true, it didn't matter how sure he sounded and Jensen wanted to scream at him but before he could say anything Jared took one step forward.

"I can show you."

Something hard clenched around Jensen's heart and he could feel a hard knot of fear forming in his belly at how certain Jared sounded.

"No, you can't," Jensen said." You can't. Because it's not possible. Take me home Jared, take me home and we can pretend this never happened. We just drank too much and came home and this didn't happen."

"You need to see it," Jared said, apology clear in his voice. "You'll never believe me if you don't and I need you to believe me."

Jensen could only watch when Jared peeled off his clothes, letting them drop to the floor. Before Jensen could pull in a breath to say something more he was faced with a giant gray wolf that looked up at him with the same multi-colored eyes that he knew so well.

"Holy fuck!" Jensen cried out and weak as he was he managed to get up, sheets tangling around him as he tried to get to the door, but before he was halfway there the big wolf was between him and the double doors. "Get away. Let me go!"

The next moment it was Jared standing in front of him once more, no trace of the wolf and Jensen scrambled backwards before he got caught in the sheets and crashed to the floor.

"Shit, are you okay?" Jared asked, kneeling down beside Jensen.

"Okay? _Okay?_ " Jensen gasped. "No. I'm not. You're a monster! Fuck, fuck, fuck. People can't turn to wolves, they can't. Jesus goddamn fucking Christ, this can't be real."

Jared opened his mouth ut Jensen wasn't ready to let him talk, didn't need to listen to excuses that wouldn't mean anything and instead he pushed Jared away, making him land on his back on the floor.

"What other freaks are real, huh? Whatever this is this isn't… It can't be my life. Because things like this don't fucking happen. You can't just throw this at me and think I should take it. One year, Jared, one fucking year and you're a… I don't even _know_ you."

He could see the pain in Jared's eyes at those words but Jensen didn't care, instead he curled up on himself, hiding his face in his hands and trying to block out the reality he wasn't ready to deal with.

"I'm not a monster," Jared said quietly. "I know that this is a lot to take in and - "

"A lot to take in?" Jensen laughed and he hated the hysteria he could hear in his own voice. "You're an animal. Is this what you do when we're not together, you go wolf out and hunt?"

"What? No!" Jared protested but Jensen only squeezed his eyes tighter shut.

"Wolves hunt, wolves kill. How many animals have you killed? How many humans? Fuck, you're not human. You're not even close."

"We're not," Jared agreed. "But we're not… I don't kill humans, I would never do that. You _know_ me, Jensen."

A bitter laugh bubbled out of Jensen at those words, because if there was something he didn't know anything about, it was his boyfriend of one year. He couldn't comprehend the fact that he was sitting wrapped in expensive sheets on the polished flooring of a grand room, with the man he loved telling him he was a werewolf.

"I really don't," Jensen pointed out. "I don't."

"Jen," Jared said and Jensen could heard him move closer once more. "I can't tell you everything about us in one go but I will be honest with you. Some werewolves do hunt, but only in the wild and only for their own survival. We're not animals, everything that is me is still there when I turn into a wolf. Every part of it, even my love for you remains intact. Maybe it's even stronger."

Jensen didn't pull away when he felt Jared's hand rest on his shoulder, but tension made him freeze and his breathing changed, fast and shallow breaths that made his chest ache.

"I get it," Jared continued. "This is new, and scary as hell, but I promise you, we're not bad people. We're family, all of us. A pack is… it's family, Jen. We're here for each other, always. We're a society, we have laws and houses and we raise kids. And I should have told you all of this before. I didn't mean to bite you, Jensen. A bite is - I mean, I really fucked up here and it's not something that should be done the way I did it.”

"There's a good way of fucking biting someone?" Jensen asked, finally managing to look up at Jared and the emotions he saw in his boyfriend's eyes tugged at Jensen's heart.

He knew that Jared could change into a big wolf, there was no denying what he had seen, but the man in front of him looked just like his boyfriend, he didn't look like a monster at all. It would have been so easy to shout and scream if this version of Jared had also come with fangs and sharp claws, but the man in front of him looked so utterly human and he smelled even better than he had ever done before.

"You bit me," Jensen mumbled and there was something there, in the back of his mind, a small bell going off and he could feel a realization creeping closer.

"I'm sorry," Jared said once more and for the first time Jensen really understood what he was asking forgiveness for.

"You _turned me_ ," Jensen said, eyes growing wide as one hand flew up to his neck, the place where Jared's teeth had pierced skin. "You turned me into one of...you…"

Before either of them could say more, the doors opened and a woman walked inside, stopping with one hand on the door handle and head tilted to the side as she watched Jensen curled up on the floor with Jared next to him.

"I take it you've told him," she said and there was something about her, something that Jensen couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Yes, Alpha," Jared answered.

"Jared, it's just the three of us here," the woman said with a small shake of her head. "You're family and for family I'm just Sam. And hello, Jensen, welcome to the Strong River Pack."

"No," Jensen said but the protest sounded weak to his own ears.

"This isn't how this is done," Sam said, looking at Jared with a frown creasing her forehead. "We don't change humans. And we absolutely do not change humans when they don't even know about our existence."

For all the strength his boyfriend possessed, in that moment Jared looked like a puppy being scolded and that thought had Jensen pushing away from the both of them, only stopping when his back was pressed up against the big bed.

"I'm a werewolf?" Jensen asked between breaths that hurt as they went into his lungs.

"Not fully, not yet," Sam said. "But there's no reversing the process. Once the next full moon hits, you will turn."

"Why?" Jensen asked, looking over to where Jared was still sitting. "How could you do this to me?"

He could feel the tears burn in his eyes but he refused to let them fall; no way he would show weakness in front of Jared and whomever the woman was. Jared opened his mouth but he seemed unable to get words out, instead swallowing and looking over to Sam with a frown on his face.

"Jared has asked my permission to reveal us to you," Sam said. "He wanted to give you the option you'll never have now. I had agreed; from all Jared has told me about you I think you would make a good addition to our pack. I'm just sad it happened this way."

Jensen squeezed his eyes shut, pulling in deep breaths in a futile attempt to calm himself down and when he spoke his voice was the closest to a growl he'd ever heard.

"Someone tell me _why_ this happened."

The silence stretched out between them, thick and stifling but Jensen refused to be the one to break it for them, it was all too much to take in and he wasn't the one that needed to do the explaining.

"That position," Jared answered finally and even though he barely whispered his voice was too loud in the stillness. "It's….we only do that when mating. I was always afraid that if I allowed myself to have you like that, I wouldn't be able to control myself. Turns out I had reason to worry."

There was so much bitterness in his voice that it somehow calmed Jensen down when nothing else had managed to, and for the first time he really looked at his boyfriend. Jared looked devastated in a way Jensen had never seen him before. But calm or not, Jensen needed answers to what had happened.

"Position?" he asked.

"It's the mating position," Sam told him when Jared looked away from him. "It's only ever done between claimed mates and...it's very hard for a werewolf not to bite. I believe Jared when he says it was never his intention to hurt you. I know he cares for you, Jensen."

"I just wanna be left alone," Jensen said, refusing to look over at Jared even when he saw him take a step forward.

"Of course," Sam agreed. "Jared?"

"Yes, Alpha," Jared answered even though his voice sounded forced.

Jensen could feel Jared's gaze on him before he walked out the door and he was too focused on that to realize that Sam was still lingering.

"Alpha?" he asked when the door closed behind Jared.

"I'm the leader of this pack," Sam answered. "Samantha Ferris. I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling right now, but know that I and the entire pack will help you in any way we can. And I need to ask you this: if you'd been given the choice, what would your answer have been?"

Without waiting for an answer she followed Jared out of the room, leaving Jensen staring at the door with mouth open in shock. He felt as if someone had doused him in freezing water, the panic fading away and giving room for something else. He wanted to stay angry, but Sam had reminded him of the one important thing he had lost sight of under the onslaught of fear and panic.

He knew that Jared loved him.

The man he knew would never willingly do anything to hurt Jensen and he wondered if this new version was any different in that regard. Looking around the room Jensen took in the room once more and for the first time he saw something he might have seen earlier, had he not been otherwise occupied. He should have realized how clearly it was Jared's room, the essence of him there in the same way it was in the apartment that Jensen had expected would become his home as well. And if that wasn't enough, when his gaze fell on the bedside table he saw a picture of the two of them, arms around each other and smiling.

Thinking about it, Jensen was pretty sure that had Jared asked, he would probably have said yes.

 

"Can we talk?"

Jensen was sure that Jared had heard him approaching. He had seen his boyfriend tensing up the moment Jensen started descending the stairs and he was grateful that Jared had let him pretend that things were even remotely normal.

"Is this where you break up with me?" Jared asked, slowly getting up from the armchair he had been sitting in and instead facing Jensen. "Because I can't really blame you for it, what I did was…"

"Don't," Jensen interrupted and he crossed the room to sit down on the armchair beside Jared's.

"Jensen?"

He waited until Jared sat back down and he could see the way Jared's fingers twitched slightly, like he wanted to reach out but thought it would be a bad idea. For a moment Jensen thought he should tangle their fingers together but first he needed to actually talk to Jared, a talk that they both should have had before their anniversary.

"So, werewolves are real," he said, looking out the wide window and seeing nothing but trees outside. "And you're one of them."

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Jared flinch slightly, leaning back into the armchair with a heavy sigh.

"Yes," Jared admitted. "I should've…"

"Yes, you should," Jensen agreed. "But I know you, and I know that you'd never willingly hurt me. That day I was… I had meant to suggest we move in together."

Jared leaned forward then, into Jensen's field of vision and there was both hope and worry in his eyes.

"And now?" he asked.

"I still…" Jensen started. "I still want to live with you and now I think- I mean, with this change I think it would be good for us. To be together."

"Really?"

"I need you to teach me how to be good at this," Jensen said. "And I would have said yes. Had you asked me to change, I would have agreed to it. So I guess this is me, saying yes."

His body still ached with the changes of being turned, but when Jared pulled him in close Jensen felt the pain fade away, becoming meaningless compared to how right it felt to have Jared wrapped around him. The first kiss was hesitant but when it deepend Jensen was amazed by the way Jared's scent increased everything, making it feel even better than kissing had ever done before the change had started.

"I'm still not okay with how this happened," Jensen said when they pulled apart. "And there's so much you need to teach me about this. Can I still work? Oh fuck, work. What-"

"Hey," Jared interrupted him. "I talked to Amanda about you having a setback from the nasty cold and she told you to take care. She also sent another manuscript so if you want, you can work."

Jensen breathed out a sigh of relief. He didn't want to lose the work he loved, even though he knew it would be a challenge to balance it with the way his life was bound to change now.

"As far as the other thing?" Jared said. "I can't make this up to you, but I will try. After the full moon we'll head back home and...get you moved in."

The last words were said with a smile so proud it made Jensen smile back and they settled in on the couch, looking out at the forest outside and Jensen started asking all the questions he felt he needed answers to.

"This place," he said, waving his hand and he wasn't sure if he meant the house or the entire area but Jared answered anyway.

"It's the Alpha's home. Samantha Ferris leads this pack, has for years. She and her beta Jeff are...our leaders. In a way our parents, though not by blood."

"Alpha? Beta?"

"The Pack Alpha, leader of the pack," Jared said. "Beta is a term for, well, most werewolves are beta. Alphas are rare and omegas are even rarer still. But this, I lived here for years before I moved into the city. It's home."

"This is a bit much to take in," Jensen sighed. "What about your family and what is omega?"

"My family are wild werewolves, their pack doesn't really believe in werewolves taking on human inventions.

Jensen huffed out a laugh at the image that crossed his mind at that.

"They're the werewolf version of the Amish?" he asked.

Jared burst out laughing as well but he nodded in agreement.

"In a way, I guess so. Most young go live with the more modern packs for a few years, to get to know the world. I just ended up staying here. Sam is my mother's cousin and she insisted I live here with her and Jeff. There are other, smaller, houses out in the forest but this is the heart of the pack. It's where people come to just be."

"But I haven't seen anyone but you and Sam," Jensen protested.

Jared tensed up a bit then, shifting away and standing up, stretching and taking a few steps away from Jensen. He stopped in front of the wide windows and Jensen waited for him to speak.

"People aren't happy with what happened here," Jared told him. "Turning without consent is frowned upon, and they're keeping away for now. They will arrive here sooner or later. People are talking about you, after all."

Jensen didn't like being the center of attention but he could understand why he was. He couldn't blame them for being curious about someone new, and even though he was worried he did want to meet the rest of the pack. In a way, they would be his new family, after all.

"Does it matter that I would have consented?" he asked. "Maybe I didn't get a say, but I know what I wanted and this is… It feels right."

He could see the tension still lingering and he wasn't foolish enough to think everything would just be fine all of a sudden; too much had changed between them and they needed to find a new balance. But now it wasn't something that Jensen feared, it was something he was looking forward to.

 

"It's quite a bit to take in, isn't it?"

Jensen jumped at the voice startling him and when he looked up from where he had been sitting reading he saw a man standing in the doorway, watching him. There was an aura of calm surrounding him and a scent that was both familiar and new at the same time.

"Who're you?" Jensen asked, frowning when the man walked inside the bedroom and sat down in one of the big armchairs in front of the window.

"I'm Jeffrey," the man said, as if it would mean something to Jensen. "I'm Samantha's mate," he added.

"Oh," Jensen said, remembering what Jared had told him. "Jeff."

The man nodded and Jensen looked at him, taking in the dark hair with streaks of grey in it and the warm, kind eyes. Where Samantha was rather intimidating, this man made Jensen relax and he wondered if that was why the man had came to see him. His suspicions were soon confirmed.

"Sam and Jared thought I should talk to you, in case you have any questions that those two alphas have forgotten to answer."

"I don't really get those terms," Jensen said, sighing at all the things he had to learn about how things worked now.

"Alpha and beta?" Jeff asked. "Well, damn, what have they been telling you so far?

Jensen laughed at that but he didn't answer and it was obvious that Jeff didn't really expect him to either.

"Most of us are betas," Jeff explained. "Nothing special, we're just your standard werewolves. But some are born a bit different. You have the alphas for starters. They are the leaders, the fighters. Strong, pigheaded and doesn't always think things through before they act, but they are loyal to their pack, always, and they can lead a pack like us betas never could. It doesn't make sense, it's just the way we are."

Several parts of that description fit on Jared and Jensen could only nod as he thought about it. He guessed that what he had seen as a toppy guy had really been an alpha werewolf, a thought that was both weird and fitting at the same time.

"Jared mentioned something else," Jensen remembered. "Omega?"

"Ah," Jeff said slowly. "Omegas. They are very rare, much more rare than alphas, and this pack only has a handful of alphas. We have no omega."

He could tell Jeff was hesitating to tell him something, and that was enough to make Jensen need to know just what both Jeff and Jared had so subtly try to not tell him.

"What is an omega?" Jensen asked.

"It's...fertile males," Jeff said with a small shrug. "Male werewolves that can become pregnant."

Jensen laughed, leaning back in the armchair and really laughing until he looked back at Jeff and saw just how serious the alpha looked. Then he felt like he had just gotten a bucket of cold water turned over his head.

"No," Jensen protested. "Men can't become pregnant."

"Not men," Jeff said with a nod. "But werewolf males. But really, they are very rare and it's not certain you will ever meet one. It's our biology being weird. The omegas have always been a part of us, and their numbers usually increase when birth rates are low. They are our genetics’ ways to make sure the packs don't die out."

A headache was starting to come alive behind Jensen's eyes and he groaned, covering his face with one hand.

"Jeff, what am I"? he asked, needing to know.

"What? Oh," Jeff said with a laugh. "All that are turned become betas. It's…"

"Just the way things work?" Jensen asked, breathing out a sigh of relief.

There was only so much he could take after all, and something as far-fetched as men becoming pregnant was something he would need a lot of time to wrap his head around. Neither of them spoke for a long time but then Jensen shook his head, trying to clear his mind.

"Are there many turned werewolves?" he asked. "You can't just go around turning people right and left. People, humans, would find out about you then."

"It's not done often," Jeff said. "Most werewolves stay with their packs, so they meet other werewolves. But then there are the ones like Jared, drawn to humans and we were not surprised when he fell for a human. We just never really expected him to find someone worthy of being turned."

"Worthy," Jensen said with a laugh. "That's one way of looking at it."

Jeff got up then, pushing one of the windows open to let in some cool autumn air and Jensen pulled in a deep breath, letting it clear his mind.

"It's not just about turning someone," Jeff said. "The change is hard, it takes a strong human to make a good werewolf. I'm sure you'll do just fine. You just need to get through your first transformation and then your first heat."

Jensen felt himself pale at that, staring at Jeff with open mouth.

"Heat?"

 

It was impossible for Jensen to sit still as he watched the wolves gathering in the yard of the big mansion, more than he'd had the time to meet in their human form and even when he had there was no way for him to tell who was who in the myriad of bodies. The moon was still hours from rising but Jensen could already feel it in his blood, a thrumming in his veins and he thought he could feel the wolf coming alive inside of him.

"It won’t be long now."

Jensen looked back over his shoulder to the man standing in the doorway. Sam's mate, Jeff, was one of the few werewolves that didn't act oddly around Jensen and his company was always welcome.

"It'll hurt, won't it?" Jensen asked, sure that Jeff would give him an honest answer.

"Yes," Jeff admitted as he sat down beside Jensen on the stairs leading from the house down to the lawn. "Quite a bit, actually."

That was a bit more honesty than Jensen had really hoped for and he winced at the thought, looking down to his hands. He almost expected to be seeing claws instead of his own two hands.

"Thanks," he sighed. "I'm sure it'll calm Jared down a lot to see me in pain. Again."

Jeff laughed and stretched his legs out, leaning back and basking in the rays from the slowly setting sun. The man fascinated Jensen. Even though he hadn't understood much of the alpha and beta dynamics that Jared had tried to explain to him, he only knew that while Jeff was one of the strongest males Jensen had ever seen, he submitted easily to his alpha mate.

"I'm sure Jared will forget about it the first time he sees your wolf," Jeff said. "Seeing your mate shift is always…"

The words drifted off and Jensen followed his gaze to where a chocolate brown wolf was walking through the crowd gathering in front of them, the other wolves quickly stepping away to give her room. Sam was one wolf that Jensen could tell from the others, her presence overwhelming even surrounded by half the pack. Of course, the first time Jensen had seen Jared shift he had been horrified, but looking back to it now he couldn't deny what a gorgeous wolf his mate was and he was looking forward to see the man change once more.

Jensen groaned, leaning forward to rest his head between his knees. At first he didn't understand what was happening but looking up he saw the first sliver of the moon and he could feel it in every part of his body.

"It's happening," Jeff said and Jensen was sure that the beta wasn't really talking to him. "Sam, get Jared!"

For the first time Jensen could sense Jared and when his mate approached he felt surrounded by a smell that he _knew_ was the very essence of his mate. That warm, heady scent grounded Jensen even when sharp bursts of fire shot through him and he could feel a crawling just under his skin.

"Jen, I'm here."

The voice was soothing but the words didn't really mean anything to Jensen. All that mattered was the moon and the way it was tugging at him, forcing his body to twist and turn into something new. Jensen was aware of a scream, loud enough to make his ears hurt but it it took several long minutes before he realized that he was the one screaming. He clasped both hands over his mouth, wanting to keep the scream at bay even as the pain tore him to shreds. A weight pressed down on his shoulders but it took him a few moments to understand that it was Jared's hands, holding him in place as Jensen crumpled to the ground.

"Don't fight it."

He thought it was Sam's voice but everything blended together until all he could really think of was the pain and he could feel the very moment his very bones started to realign into something new and utterly strange. Every part of Jensen's body ached and it didn't really feel like his body anymore, the reason for that quite obvious once he opened his eyes.

The world looked different through his new eyes and when Jensen opened his mouth he was confused by the way his tongue felt, and the sharp teeth he could feel. He knew he had changed, could feel it in every cell of his body and it became even more clear when Jared knelt down beside him and he felt his mate's hands move through his new fur. It was a surreal feeling, getting used to his new body but Jensen was amazed by how _right_ it felt at the same time.

"You're gorgeous," he heard Jared said. "I knew you would be. Let's run together."

With that Jensen got to see Jared change and this time he could appreciate in the beauty of the change, the easy way that Jared changed showed no evidence of the horrible pain Jensen was still suffering through.

_I'll show you everything._

The voice in his mind surprised him, making Jensen yelp in surprise before he realized that it was Jared he heard, his mate talking to him even though neither of them could speak.

 _How…_ Jensen asked.

 _I guess there's a lot of things I kind of forgot to tell you,_ Jared said and Jensen thought that even in his wolf form, Jared looked a bit guilty.

 _I'll say,_ Jensen grumbled even though he knew Jared could hear him quite well.

 _I'll show you instead,_ Jared said with a grin, dancing a few steps away before he turned back to Jensen, urging him to follow.

The first few steps were hesitant, the tail throwing off his balance but he could feel that it was more than just his body that had changed, his mind also had changed and with just a few steps he could feel his instincts take over. Around them the gathered wolves parted to let the two of them through but Jensen could feel the eyes of the pack on him and he realized he had no idea what he looked like.

 _Mirror later,_ Jared said and even his mental voice sounded amused. _Now we run._

He took off and Jensen wasted no time following him, the two of them running into the vast forest and Jensen was amazed by how much more alive the woods felt now that his much more sensitive nose could pick every scent out there. Overpowering all of it was the scent of his mate, something that tangled around him and helped guide Jensen as the two of them moved on sure paws through the trees.

 _You're taking to this quickly,_ Jared commented once they were far from the mansion, surrounded by nothing but wilderness.

They slowed down then and Jared lead him to a small stream where cold water cut a narrow path through the dense undergrowth.

 _It feels...natural,_ Jensen answered. _And totally freaking surreal at the same time._

Leaning down to lap at the water Jensen could feel Jared's eyes on him and he knew that if he was a human he would be blushing. There was no way that Jared would miss the way Jensen spilled water on himself while he discovered how his new tongue worked. Maybe it was natural, but that didn't stop Jensen from feeling like a newborn pup. Which, in a sense, he really was.

 _During the full moon you won’t be able to control your shifting,_ Jared told him. _In a few days we can head back to town, though, and start to...adjust._

A part of Jensen really wished they could stay on the packlands, where he could focus on the new side of himself without having to think about making the two pieces of his life fit together.

 _And we'll return here for the next full moon?_ Jensen asked and then he frowned. _I'm starting to see a pattern here, those days you were off visiting family…_

Once more Jared looked a bit guilty, tail curling down between his legs and he made a motion that Jensen could only describe as a shrug.

_They are my family, it wasn't really a lie._

Jensen nodded and the two of them started moving again but this time they took it slower, Jared guiding Jensen through the forest and pointing out all the things that Jensen's human senses would never have been able to appreciate. His new body still felt weird, the tail distracting him several times, but the more he saw the more sure he became that he would have accepted this change willingly had Jared asked it of him. It was a new world opening up to him, one that he hadn't known he wanted but that he now couldn't imagine living without.

 

The combined collection of their books was spread out on the living room floor and Jensen was humming low under his breath as he moved around between them, careful to not tip over any piles of books as he made his way to the D pile. Jared's suggestion that Jensen just put his books in the new bookshelf they had bought had been quickly dismissed in favor of Jensen reorganizing their books and putting them back alphabetically. So maybe he could be a bit of a neat freak, he knew that. He also knew that he liked the way their books mixed together; it wasn't as if Jensen wanted a bookshelf of his own, anyway.

"So I'm guessing eating in here is out of the question?"

Jensen didn't need to look over to know that Jared was smiling and he only shrugged before he got back to organizing their books.

"Right," Jared said with a laugh. "I'll start dinner, you keep on being...organized."

Looking back over his shoulder he saw Jared smile at him before his boyfriend returned to the kitchen. Before Jensen had gotten to the F pile the most amazing fragrances reached him from the kitchen. He hadn't really expected to keep his sensitive sense of smell even in human form, but it was one of the many things he had to get used to now that everything was different. The last few hours he had been trying to not think of they way something felt different even compared to all the changes that had happened over the last weeks, a new sense of _off_ that he couldn't ignore. In the back of his mind a little voice told him he should talk to Jared about it but for some reason he couldn't get himself to do it.

"The sauce needs to simmer for awhile, but I'll put on pasta in thirty, that's okay?"

"Yeah, of course," Jensen said, bending down to pick up another stack of books but as he did so his vision flickered for a moment and it was only his new, quicker reflexes that kept him from toppling over.

"Jensen!"

Jared was by his side in an instant, a strong arm wrapping around his waist and Jensen didn't care about the neat stack books falling over, not when he had Jared pressed up close to him. Where earlier it had been discomfort, an itch under his skin, it was now a roaring fire inside of him and he leaned in to Jared's touch.

"What's… Oh, fuck."

Before he could catch on to what was happening Jensen found himself manhandled across the room, the sound of books falling following them as Jared dragged him towards the bedroom.

"Jay?" Jensen managed to get out even as he clung to his mate, his head spinning alarmingly.

"You're in heat," Jared groaned. "It shouldn't happen this soon after your first shift and shit… I'm sorry Jen, I should have gotten you suppressants but I didn't even think about it. Turned wolves don't go into heat during the first year or so. Or at least they shouldn't, but you are and - damnit - you smell so fucking good."

Jensen moaned when Jared leaned in and nosed at his neck, the brush of warm breath against his skin making Jensen shiver.

"Heat…" Jensen mumbled, his mind struggling to wrap itself around the information.

He had heard it mentioned by the other werewolves in Jared's pack but he had thought it wasn't something he had to worry about. But of course his stupid body couldn't behave like it should. It did explain the way his body reacted to Jared though, the need clawing at his belly and his dick achingly hard. Jeff had said that he didn't need to worry, a beta’s heat wasn't very strong but Jensen thought that statement was far from true. If the crippling feeling of need burning through him was considered weak he didn't want to know how badly the rare omegas Jeff had mentioned would have it.

"Fuck, I can't keep my hands off you," Jared muttered, his hands sliding up under Jensen's shirt to stroke over warm skin.

A part of him thought he should protest, try to put some distance between them but Jensen didn't want to fight it. So maybe the heat came earlier than either of them had expected, but this was _Jared_ and Jensen already knew they were in it for the long haul. Denying them both what they wanted seemed like a really stupid idea.

"Keep touching me," Jensen demanded, letting his own hands tug at Jared's shirt.

His mate hesitated for a moment longer but then Jensen rolled his hips forward, grinding his hard cock against Jared's and the next moment he found himself flat on his back in the middle of the bed, Jared quickly tugging at his clothes. Jensen wasn't sure if it was Jared's eagerness and heady scent spiking how own heat higher, or if it was his heat making Jared’s smell even stronger. Not that it mattered, all he needed was to feel Jared inside him.

The thought made his body feel even hotter, a strange slick sensation dragging his attention down to his ass and his eyes widened when he felt his body prepare itself for taking Jared. No amount of talk with Jeff could have prepared him for the way it felt to lubricate the first time, the way he could feel his own body relax even though he didn't mean to and when Jared pulled down his pants with one hard tug he groaned at his own scent. Where Jared's scent was strong and musky, Jensen's own scent was sweeter and he heard Jared moan.

"Damn, you smell better than I could ever have imagined," Jared gasped, leaving Jensen for a few moments to push down his own pants.

Jensen managed to get his own shirt off, not caring about the way the fabric protested as he tore at it. He thought that maybe he should feel ashamed of the way his hormones ruled him, but he didn't have it in him. Not when each brush of fingers against overheated skin was enough to made him whimper, his cock twitching and his ass wet with need.

"Please."

He didn't get out more before Jared's fingers plunged inside, two of them stretching him open and it was so good, better than Jensen had ever felt before and yet so far from what he needed. Parting his legs further he pushed down against the fingers inside him, groaning when he felt them brush against his prostate but he still felt empty, couldn't wait for Jared to really fill him up.

"C'mon," he groaned. "I want more. Fuck, Jay, I _need_ more."

"Okay. Yes. Shit. Okay."

It turned him on even more to hear how strained Jared's voice sounded, the knowledge of how much he affected his mate something powerful and alive inside of him. The next moment he felt as if his mind came to a stuttering halt because Jared pulled his fingers free, lifting them up to his mouth and carefully licking away Jensen's slick. The old Jensen wouldn't have found it hot, but this new version of him groaned at the sight, hips twitching up in a search for more friction.

"Need to…"

Jensen knew what he needed, what they both needed, and he also knew just how it needed to be done. Pushing Jared aside Jensen managed to turn around, pushing himself up on all fours and he heard Jared's choked gasp.

"Jen, are you...sure?"

He thought he had never been as sure about anything before; this was the mating position and Jensen needed Jared to fill him up just like that, needed to have a memory of it that wasn't one ending in pain.

"I'm sure. Please, fuck me."

The words were barely out before he felt the head of Jared's cock pressing against his rim, the touch alone enough to send shivers of want through Jensen and he arched his back, pushing back and he let out a low whimper when he felt the cock spread him open. It was different compared to all the times they've been together before, none of the usual burn and a pleasure so intense it made Jensen cry out. His body opened willingly to Jared, still tight but nothing of the slight hint of pain he was used to back when he was human. When Jensen pushed back hard he felt Jared slid all the way inside, skin on skin and heat crackling down Jensen's spine.

It was so good that Jensen was soaring, and yet it wasn't _enough_ , not even when Jared listened to his desperate plea and fucked him so hard Jensen thought that if not for his new werewolf genes he would barely be able to walk for a week. But even with Jared fucking him harder than he had ever been fucked before, Jensen felt empty and despite his hard cock leaking pre-come down on the bed below he didn't come even when he reached down to stroke himself.

"Jay, Jay"," he groaned. "More, need more. Need…"

He didn't know what he needed but he needed something to push him over the edge. With a low whine he let go of his dick, hands grabbing the sheet tightly as he tried to get some sort of leverage to push himself back on Jared's cock. What he hadn't expected was for something to push against his rim, something hard seeking access and Jensen's eyes grew wide in shock.

"What…"

"Gonna knot you baby, gonna feel so good," Jared growled behind him, hands tightening their grip on Jensen's hips.

The next second Jensen felt his body leak slick, opening up as Jared ground his hips forward and something pushed inside him. There was pain when something hard opened him up further than he had ever been before but the next moment the pain was washed away by the strongest orgasm he had ever felt. Jensen knew that he screamed loud enough for the neighbors to hear but he didn't care, couldn't care about anything but the feel of something pushing unrelentingly at his prostate, dragging out the orgasm until everything else faded away and the world turned white.

 

"Baby? Jensen? Fuck, please wake up."

Jared's insistent voice cut through the haze of contentment clouding Jensen's mind and he slowly blinked his eyes open only to realize he was on his belly in the middle of the bed, cheek pressed against the pillow and that _thing_ still inside of him.

"There you are," Jared said and he sounded relieved. "I know a first knotting can be intense and…"

"What the fuck?" Jensen mumbled, shifting slightly and hissing when the thing inside him pulled at his rim. "What the hell, Jay? What's…"

Knot, Jared had called it, a memory fogged over by need but still there and Jensen had a suspicion of just what had happened, even though he didn't really want to think about it.

"Jen," Jared said slowly. "I know Jeff talked to you about being a beta… he _did_ mention knotting, right?"

If pleasure wasn't still radiating from the damn _knot_ lodged inside him Jensen might have considered hurting someone but as it was he couldn't deny how good it was. Whatever freaky biology he now was a part of, he needed this and that thought was enough to make his mind recoil.

"No," he whispered. "He didn't mention...that."

"Fuck," Jared sighed and Jensen could only agree. "It's what we do, it's…when we mate we can't help it, we knot and baby, if I had known you didn't know I…"

Jared's cock was locked inside him, the two of them tied together by the big knot. It really was too much to think about and Jensen didn't want to think. Everything was different and there was nothing he could do about it. Maybe it was the heat in his system guiding him, maybe it was pure instinct, but he flexed his muscles around Jared's knot and his mate groaned, hips rocking forward.

"Still need," Jensen groaned because now that he was more awake the heat was returning full force. "Please."

Jared moved forward, circling his hips and grinding his knot against Jensen's prostate and Jensen realized he could come from that feeling alone.

"You're still in heat," Jared explained, as if Jensen hadn't realized that by himself. "I'm so sorry, but I have to and…"

He could hear the guilt in Jared's voice but all that really mattered was the rising heat inside him and the knowledge that Jared was the only one that could soothe it away. With the knot still lodged inside all they could do was rut together, but it was enough for Jensen to come again, biting into the pillow as he added to the wet spot beneath him. Jared's cock pulsed inside him, pumping more come into Jensen and he was sure he could feel it, every single drop that the knot held firmly in place.

The heat slowly receded and Jensen practically melted into the bed, Jared a heavy weight on top of him and his breath hot against Jensen's neck. It shouldn't be comfortable but it was and Jensen twisted his head to the side, needing to see Jared. He was met with soft lips and a warm tongue that made Jensen moan softly. A low groan left him when Jared pulled back, their bodies still connected together by the knot but Jensen could feel it slowly deflate.

"We should talk," Jared started slowly.

"Knotting," Jensen said, the euphoria quickly fading away. "You forgot to tell me about knotting. I'm sure we've had sex before and there was no knotting."

Jensen could hear his own voice rising but he really didn't care. With the haze of heat and pleasure gone his mind was his own again and even with the sparks shooting out from where they were connected, Jensen was upset.

"It's a mating thing," Jared explained. "We can only knot if mated and fuck, I thought Jeff had told you. I would have told you if I thought you didn't… I'm so sorry, baby. So fucking sorry."

The brush of lips against his neck was feather-soft but Jensen twisted away as much as he could.

"You thought?" he snapped. "You fucking should've made sure!"

It wasn't the best time to argue, not when Jared was still tied to him but Jensen needed to vent the emotions pushing away his previous calm.

"I know and…"

Jensen didn't let Jared continue, suddenly not wanting to hear the excuses and explanations he had thought he needed.

"This needs to stop," Jensen said and he was surprised by how low and calm his voice suddenly was. "You made me into this, Jay. You turned me. That means you're the one responsible for making sure I know things I need to know. You're my mate, not Jeff. I need to be able to trust you. I need to be able to trust _in_ you."

He fell silent and was surprised that Jared remained quiet as well but then suddenly Jared rolled them over, spooking up behind Jensen and wrapping his arms around Jensen's waist, fitting their bodies together and Jensen hissed at the way Jared's knot tugged at his rim.

"I know," Jared said. "I'm not… I mean, yes. I know, and I had a plan. Really Jensen, I had this amazing plan where you would find out about us, learn about us before and then I fucked it all up and you have no idea how sorry I am. Not for you being a werewolf, I can't regret that, but this wasn't how things were supposed to go. I even had a list of all the things I wanted to make sure you knew but then I bit you and everything got messed up. When Jeff said he'd talk to you it just felt easy. He's a beta and he was bound to know things I didn't and…"

Jared was close to rambling and Jensen reached down to where Jared's hand rested on his belly, tangling their fingers together and that small gesture was enough to make Jared fall silent. For the first time Jensen considered that maybe he wasn't the only one unsure about what was happening between them.

"You made a list?" he asked, the previous anger draining away.

"It was a good list," Jared muttered. "Knotting was on it. I swear. Look, I know this is all new but I always wanted to mate you. I knew I would knot you if you allowed it and of course you should know because knotting is -"

"Fucking amazing," Jensen filled in.

"Yeah," Jared huffed out in a surprised laugh.

They both gasped when Jared's knot finally gave way and he slid free from Jensen. If Jensen had thought it was hard to hold on to the anger before, it was nothing compared to how hard it was when Jared was wrapped around him and he could feel his mate's come leaking out of him. It shouldn't be hot, but it was, and Jensen felt his own cock twitch, straining to get hard even though there was no way Jensen could get it up again, heat or no heat.

"How long will the heat last?" he asked.

"Beta's heats aren't so bad," Jared said. “Usually two or three days."

“So we'll have a few days to explore just how good knotting is," Jensen pointed out. "Just, in the future, talk to me?"

"I promise," Jared said, pressing another wet kiss to Jensen's neck.

He thought Jared knew he still wasn't fully off the hook, but Jensen couldn't really feel angry about something that felt as amazing as Jared's knot filling him up did.

 

The scent of bacon was wrong.

Jensen poked the strip of it across the plate. He couldn't really say just what was wrong but the thought of eating it made his belly twist and in the end he pushed it away.

"Jensen?" Jared asked.

"Not hungry," Jensen said even though he really was, he just couldn't get himself to eat the bacon and eggs that Jared had prepared for them.

The heat had finally broken after several days of nothing but long hours in bed and Jensen wondered how he ever been able to think knot-less sex was so amazing. After several days of fucking he had felt weak and even now, a full week later, Jensen still felt a bit off. It was more than his favorite food just not smelling right but he couldn't put his finger on it. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jared frown, sniffing the air slightly but then he shrugged and added Jensen's food to his own plate instead.

"I was thinking, maybe this weekend we could head out to the packlands?" Jared said. "We could practice and see if we can make you shift outside of the full moon."

"Yeah," Jensen said, smiling some. "I'd like that."

He could easily remember the freedom of running through the vast forests and maybe something like that was just what he needed to get back some strength after the draining heat.

"Okay," Jared got out around a mouthful of bacon. "I'll talk to Sam about it, might be nice if the house is mostly empty while we practice that."

The thought of the other werewolves watching him as he tried to do something they all could do wasn't very tempting.

"I think that might be a good idea," Jensen agreed.

Jared downed the last of his food, walking over to put the plate away before he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Jensen's lips. It was pure instinct that made Jensen part his lips, inviting Jared in and it was only when Jared's tongue stroked over his tongue that he realized that probably wasn't such a good idea.

"No," he protested, pulling away and pushing past Jared to get to the sink.

He could feel Jared's eyes on him when he rinsed his mouth out with water, trying to get the taste of bacon away and when he turned back he saw Jared watching him with an unreadable expression on his face.

"So you don't like bacon now?" Jared asked carefully. "And you're tired all the time?"

"Pretty much," Jensen sighed, leaning back against the counter. "And coffee. Coffee smells fucking horrible."

"Now I'm really worried."

Jared's teasing smile didn't quite ring true and Jensen rolled his shoulders in a shrug.

"Look, I've just been feeling off since the heat and I didn't wanna tell you because I knew you would worry," he said and then kept going when it looked as if Jared wanted to protest. "And turnings are rare, right? This doesn't need to mean anything, maybe it's just my body still getting used to...all of this."

Jared nodded but Jensen could tell that he didn't really believe it and when Jared walked closer to him he wasn't surprised to be pulled into a bone-crushing embrace.

"I promised to talk to you, that means you talk to me as well," Jared said, words muffled against Jensen's neck. "I'm not okay with my mate being sick. Is there anything else I should know?"

Jensen shook his head, because really, what was there to say? He really didn't want Jared to worry about him, after all.

"It's probably just the flu or some freakish post-first-heat thing," he said with a shrug. "I'll try to take it slow today. And I really need to leave or I'll be late."

He could tell that Jared still as worried but his boyfriend didn't say anything more and by the time Jensen was ready to leave for work Jared's breath was minty fresh as he leaned in for a soft kiss.

"Have fun at the office," Jared said with a last brush of lips.

Jensen nodded and grabbed his messenger bag before walking to his car. It wasn't often he had to go in to the office, Amanda was mostly okay with him working from home but several meetings and a conference call meant Jensen had to put in some effort and actually show up. Most of the time he didn't mind going in to the office even though his own cubicle was mostly collecting dust since they had returned from the packlands. Secrets were easier to keep when people didn't have the opportunity to ask questions.

"Hi, welcome back to the office, Jensen," Amanda greeted him when he stepped out of the elevator, her hair tied back into a messy bun and her suit jacket slung over one shoulder. "The representative from HR should be here within the hour, have you got the new manuscripts?"

He opened his bag and took out a stack of papers, ignoring the amused look on his boss' face, the merits of paper versus tablets was something they could never agree upon. Amanda just shook her head, taking the stack of papers and making her way towards her corner office while Jensen slid into the cubicle.

"You could get an office, you know," Amanda said as she stopped just outside her door.

"What would I do with that?" Jensen asked. "Then you would just force me to actually work from here instead of from home."

Amanda's laughter rang out before the door slid shut behind her and Jensen put his laptop on the desk, powering it up and starting to work through the stuff he needed prepared for the meeting. Focusing wasn't the easiest thing to do however, not when his belly was gnawing with hunger even as the mere thought of food made him wince.

Just when he was about to head into the first meeting his phone rang and the ring tone alone told him just who it was.

"Hey, Jay," he greeted, even as he gathered up the last of the papers he needed.

 _"I have an idea of what might be up,_ Jared said, not even bothering to say hello and Jensen frowned down at the phone.

"That's good," Jensen said distractedly. "Look, I'm just heading into the meeting."

 _"But Jensen, we really need to talk about -_ "

"Shit," Jensen muttered when he dropped the pile of papers he had been gathering. "Look Jared, I love you but I really need to go into the meeting.”

" _Jen, we should head to the packlands, really, it's important that you - "_

"I'm okay, really Jared," Jensen said, holding his phone between his ear and shoulder as he stumbled out of the cubicle. "And we're going to the…"

He interrupted himself when he realized he had been close to saying _pack_ and there were some things he really didn't want to explain to Amanda or anyone else at the office. Lowering his voice he turned his back the open door of the meeting room.

_"- I'll have to talk to Sam about it."_

Jensen realized he had missed something Jared had said but he didn't want to admit not listening and despite feeling stressed out and exhausted he couldn't help but smile at having someone like Jared.

"That sounds good," Jensen said. "I really have to go now though, I'll talk to you later. Bye."

He quickly ended the call and turned the phone off before heading into the first of what would be a full day of meetings.

It wasn't until he was heading home that evening that he turned the phone on and was met with several chimes right away, signaling new messages as well as missed calls. He frowned in surprise when he saw that they all were from Jared and guilt settled in at how he had cut their earlier discussion short. For all the talk about how they needed to be able to talk, Jensen wasn't very good at living up to that himself. Being stressed out wasn't really a good enough excuse and with a sigh he started going through the messages.

_\- How are you feeling? -_

_\- I need to know if you have any more symptoms. NEED to know!_

_\- Heading to the packlands, talking to Sam. Might not be home tonight -_

Jensen sighed when he walked into the empty apartment, putting his bag down and not even bothering to shrug out of his jacket before he was calling Jared, fingers drumming a nervous rhythm against his thigh as he waited.

He wasn't all that surprised when his call went unanswered, but he was disappointed all the same.

 

Jensen couldn't sleep without Jared next to him, and four nights without him hadn't helped either.

Maybe it was pathetic to be so dependent but he couldn't deny it. And maybe it was because they were mates now, something that went so much deeper than the term boyfriend ever had. Just when he was about to fall asleep his cell phone chimed and Jensen groaned, fumbling for it and peering at the screen.

His heart sped up when he saw Jared’s name on the display and suddenly Jensen was wide awake, sitting up in the middle of their big bed and he hands were shaking as he opened the message.

_\- I have a few things to think about. Need to visit my family. -_

Jensen stared at the text message, frowning at it but he couldn't make sense of the words no matter how many times he read through it.

_Why? What's happening, when will you be back?_

He fell asleep before he got an answer, worry coiling inside him until exhaustion got the better of him. When he woke up again the sun was too bright and he groaned when he realized he had forgotten to pull the blinds. The next thing he realized was that his phone was still clutched in his hand but there was no answer from Jared. Jensen didn't have to think about it long before he pushed call and waited while ring after ring went by without an answer.

It was a horrible way to start the day and by the time Jensen got out of his shower he studiously ignored the phone, opting to leave it behind in the middle of the bed as he made his way to the kitchen. He didn't even attempt to make himself coffee, instead opening the fridge and getting himself a big glass of lemon water before he sat down at the kitchen table, staring out at the window.

They should have gone to the packlands this weekend and with no way of actually reaching the pack, no phone number or email to be had, Jensen knew just where he needed to go for answer as to just what Jared had found out.

 

It wasn't how he was supposed to return to the packlands; he was supposed to have had Jared by his side. Instead he drove through the thick woods, hoping he wouldn't get lost before he got to Sam's big house. He struggled against a wide yawn, the unrelenting exhaustion weighing down his limbs and he needed to know what was wrong with him. What could have made Jared take off to visit his more wolf-like family.

A sigh of relief left him when the woods gave way to a big clearing and Jensen pulled to a stop in front of the double doors. He wasn't surprised to see Sam and Jeff step outside before he even got out of the car.

"Jensen," Sam said with a smile. "How nice to see you, I didn't know you and Jared…"

She drifted off into silence as she frowned and looked between Jensen and the empty car.

"Alpha," Jensen greeted. "Jeff."

"Good to see you," Jeff said with a curt nod. "Why didn't you call and let us know you were coming?"

Jensen leaned against the car, stifling a yawn behind his hand and he barely kept from rubbing his eyes.

"Didn't have the number," he told them.

"You could have asked Jared," Sam said. "Not that we aren't pleased to have you here, but what brings you here?"

"I just wanted to know what Jared told you before he went to visit his family."

He could see the alpha and beta share a look, both of them frowning when they turned back and Jensen felt something heavy settle in his belly.

"Jensen," Sam said slowly. "We haven't seen Jared since your transformation."

Maybe he should have seen it coming, but Jensen could only stare at them in shocked silence, trying to make sense of what they were saying. He had been so sure that he would find some sort of answers with the pack, instead he was left with even more questions. The annoyance that had been building inside him for days turned into something else, anger and fear churning together and for the first time the queasiness that had lingered since before Jared had left got the better of him. He stumbled to the back of the car, holding on to it as he emptied what meager contents his stomach held.

If Jared hadn't come here first, then something had happened that was bad enough for him to go right to his family, up in the Canadian wilderness and Jensen couldn't even think of what it must be.

"Jensen, are you alright? Jensen what are - oh…"

Sam's voice cut off, her gasp making Jensen turn around as he wiped his mouth clean on the sleeve of his jacket and he saw her eyes wide with surprise.

"It can't be…"

To his surprise Jeff walked past her, crowding in on on Jensen until he could sniff at his neck and when he stepped back he looked just as surprised as his mate did.

"Jeff, is he really?" Sam asked, her gaze flicking back and forth between them.

"No doubt about it," Jeff said. "But he _can't_ be, it's impossible."

"What?" Jensen snapped angrily, he was so done with having people not telling him what the hell was happening with him. "Tell me!"

Sam looked as if she didn't think that was a good idea, her forehead creasing and she shook her head slightly. Jeff pushed himself up to his full height, and beta or not that was an intimidating sight.

"He deserves to know, Sam," he said with conviction. "This isn't something you can hide from him. You can't even be considering it."

Sam sighed then, shaking her head again but this time Jensen didn't think it was a no.

"Your smell," she started. "It's changed. It was always surprisingly sweet but I didn't think much of it because, well, you had to be a beta."

The dread was enough to make Jensen want to throw up once more but instead he swallowed back the bile.

"I think I can hear a _but_ here," he said weakly.

"It's clearer now," Jeff said. "Somehow, you're not a beta. You're an omega."

Jensen froze in place, staring at the both of them.

He couldn't be omega. That was one of the things Jeff had told him: no one turned ever became alpha or omega so that wasn't something he had even considered. Jared's pack was a big one, but he hadn't met a single omega, proof of just how rare the male lifebringers were. And that thought made his eyes go wide as he stared at the two werewolves with dawning horror. It couldn't be true, it had to be some sort of cruel joke. But neither Jeff nor Sam looked like they were joking.

"How are you feeling, Jensen?" Jeff said quietly.

Those words made reality slam into him, a punch in the face as the small pieces fit together and Jensen backed away, shaking his head.

"No, no, no," he said time and time again. "It can't be… Not possible. You said it can't… I can't be…"

His hands fell down to his belly, pressing down on it and he stared down at his own body, trying to take in what they told him.

"I'm pregnant?" he asked weakly.

"Yes," Jeff confirmed. "I can smell it on you. I'm sure Jared could as well, even though he might not have understood it right away."

Jared had known Jensen was pregnant, had known about the life growing inside him. And Jared had left.

Changing wasn't even a conscious thought but the anger and sadness roared up inside him until he couldn't hold it back and he went from standing with his hands on his belly to being on all fours on the ground, his fur bristling. Apparently not knowing how to shift without the full moon didn't stop him from doing it and he ignored the two werewolves as he turned tail and took off into the forest.

 

"Here, they're Jared's so they might be a bit big for you, but I guess you wont mind."

Jensen looked up at Jeff but he didn't shift, just sat down at the bottom of the stairs, resting his head on the first step and looking up at the beta. Hours spent running in the woods hadn't really done anything to calm him down and it sure hadn't done anything to make him figure out how to get back to his human form.

"You don't know how to shift back, do you?" Jeff said, putting the clothes down and sitting down next to Jensen.

He didn't really feel like he needed to answer that, the answer being quite obvious and apparently Jeff agreed.

"Jensen, I know this must come as a shock to you, hell, it came as shock to all of us, but I promise it isn't a bad thing," Jeff said and Jensen glared at him. "I told you, and I'm sure Jared did as well, that omegas are held in high regard amongst the werewolves. You're amazingly strong, you're fast and agile and your pups…"

Jensen growled low in his throat and Jeff went silent even though Jensen could tell he wanted to say more. He just couldn't wrap his mind around the thought of pups, the fact that there was a small life growing inside of him.

"You have to stay here," Jeff said. "Can you work from home? Oh shit, I'm sorry. Let's get you changed back before I go off planning stuff over your head."

Jeff knelt down beside him and Jensen looked up at him, trying to focus on something, anything, that wasn't the rising panic inside of him. Jeff stroked over his fur and Jensen couldn't deny that the touch was soothing, bringing him back to the there and then instead of freaking out.

"Look at me, Jensen," Jeff said quietly. "You can do this. I know it's hard as hell, but you're human. Somewhere there inside of you, you know what being human feels like. Focus on that, think of your human body, the way your muscles work, the way everything feels."

Trying to focus on those words were far from easy but Jensen struggled, trying to push all the worries aside and instead thinking of himself, the way his human body was so very different from the wolf one he was currently inhabiting.

"Think of that body," Jeff continued, taking his hands off Jensen. "And imagine yourself sliding into that body, stretching your limbs and moving around as a human."

It should have been easy to think of, but Jensen was too aware of his own four paws, of the way the ground felt under his feet and the way his tail slowly swished back and forth. In his wolf form he was more aware of the changes in his body as well, he could even imagine the small embryo inside of him.

"Focus," Jeff said, surprisingly enough tugging at one of Jensen's ears. "You can do this. You're strong Jensen, it's a part of why you and Jared fit so well together. Did you know that Sam wants Jared to take over this pack? I know you're strong enough to stand by his side, and you're strong enough to do this."

Maybe it was the shock of that revelation or maybe it was something else but Jensen slid into his human body without really knowing how and he groaned when he found himself on all fours on the ground, naked and shivering. He was grateful for Jeff keeping quiet, just helping Jensen in to the waiting clothes and together the two walked back inside without another word.

He could still feel the wolf roaring inside him, protesting at being kept at bay but Jensen couldn't give in to the animal again, not when he had so many things to consider all of a sudden. Without speaking to Jeff he made his way to the big room where he had woken up that first night with the pack, the sense of Jared in it hitting him like a punch in the gut and he sank down at the foot of the bed, burying his face in his hands. Jeff had followed him but the beta stayed at the door, waiting until Jensen had gotten himself back under control some and could sit up again.

"Jared will be Alpha?" he asked, not really able to comprehend the information.

"That is Sam's hope," Jeff confirmed. "She choose to mate with me, not a female beta or an omega and that means no kids of our own. Jared has been with us for years and he fits here. The pack likes him, but more than anything he is a good man."

"A good man that left," Jensen pointed out, unable to hide the bitterness from his voice. "He realized what I was, and he left."

"Jensen," Jeff protested.

"No," Jensen said angrily, standing up and walking over towards the wide windows. "He wanted a beta, he was set on a beta and here I am, the freak omega and I'm knocked up and he returned to his own pack. Without me. Without _telling_..."

Jensen caught himself then, remembering the last conversation he'd had with Jared and he clenched his hands together when he realized just how much he had messed up.

"He tried to tell me," Jensen groaned. "And I...fuck. Damnit."

"Jensen, maybe he just needed to get to talk to his family. This must have been a huge surprise to him as well. I'm sure he'll be back soon and then you can figure this thing out between the two of you."

Jensen needed that, wanted Jared there so that they could talk about what was going to happen between them, even if Jared was freaking out about the life growing inside of Jensen. Hell, Jensen himself was freaking out about what was happening and he needed Jared there to guide him through things. He looked down at his belly, the body he knew so well, wondering how long it would be until he started showing, until his body would turn into something foreign once more. It hit him then, standing in Jared's bedroom with Jeff watching him, that the life Jensen had known had changed for the second time in just a few weeks.

Even rare visits to the office would be impossible when Jensen's pregnancy started to show and that thought was enough to make him sink down in one of the armchairs in front of the window. In that moment he almost wished that he had morning sickness, something more than the vague symptoms he had experienced. He didn't _feel_ pregnant and he thought he needed to, he needed to feel something that made it all real. Something that allowed him to focus on anything else besides the fact that Jared had left him.

Jared had left him and Jensen was pregnant.

Only that couldn't be real. It couldn't be.

He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head and trying to calm his breathing down and then suddenly he was in motion. Pushing past Jeff he stumbled into the big livingroom, making his way to where a big mirror stretched between floor and the high ceiling. He heard a half choked sound of surprise behind him when he pulled his shirt off and looked at himself in the mirror.

There was no way he was pregnant, it just didn't make sense and when he stared at his own body in the mirror he could see nothing different with himself. He still looked the way he always had, before the reveal that couldn't be true. Before he had met Jared and everything changed.

"You're lying," Jensen said, shaking his head. "I can't be pregnant. Why would you tell me this? I almost believed you. Stupid me, stupid little former-human to believe every lie."

"Jensen -" Jeff started but Jensen turned around, dropping Jared's shirt to the floor and cutting Jeff off.

"No, I've listened too much to you, and to Jared and to anyone else that seems dead set on telling me what's happening, what I should be expecting and...and… I need to stop listening to you. You never speak when it matters!"

Jeff once more opened his mouth but Jensen was too angry to let him get a single word out.

"You all just forget to tell me what I need to know. Like the fact that there are fucking werewolves to begin with and the getting pregnant thing, and you...you never mentioned knotting. How would anyone ever forget about knotting? But no, let's just throw it all at Jensen and see how much he can take but you know what? Fuck that! Fuck you all, I'm not some kind of experiment for you and I'm done believing in your stupid lies and all the things you forget to tell me."

"Jensen," Jeff said once more and his was voice was calm and soothing but for some reason that just made Jensen even angrier.

"Go to hell, Jeff!"

He didn't even think of what he was doing, his hand just moved out to grab the closest thing possible and before he could stop and think things through, a heavy glass bowl was flying through the air straight towards Jeff. Jeff easily dodged the projectile but the loud crash and the glass shattering against the wall was enough to make Jensen stop as sudden as if someone had doused him in cold water.

"My mother gave us that bowl as a mating gift, Sam always hated that ugly thing and not like I can blame her," Jeff said, looking down at the shattered glass. "Now Jensen, we've handled this beyond badly and we all know it. But please, you need to try and relax. You being this upset isn't got for you or the pup."

The words were enough to quickly drag Jensen back to reality and he looked back towards the mirror, still seeing the shock written clear as day on his own face.

"It's really real," he mumbled.

His belly might be flat, his body still everything he remembered it to be but he could change into a wolf, and his body would change in other ways as well.

"And Jared left," Jensen groaned. "I drove him away. He tried to talk to me and I was all busy with work. You know, I told him he needed to talk to me and when he does I just… This is all my fault."

"It's not," Jeff protested. "I'm not sure why he felt the need to visit his family, and I don't get why he's so damn selfish at a time like this, but it's not your fault."

Jensen didn't answer that but he did reach for the shirt, pulling it on and sighing before turning and walking to his room. To Jared's room.

He was grateful that Jeff didn't follow him even though alone time only meant that he could think about everything he could have done differently. Then maybe Jared wouldn't have left.

 

The apartment didn't feel like home without Jared in it and Jensen had to stop right in front of the door, getting some of his equilibrium back and he was grateful for Jeff not saying anything. It hadn't even been two weeks since he had arrived at the lands of the Strong River Pack.

"What will happen to this place?" Jensen asked as they made their way inside. "I mean, it's not my name on the lease."

"It belongs to the pack," Jeff explained. "I think we'll leave it as it is though, just in case."

Jensen scoffed at that, with no word from Jared he really doubted that his boyfriend was ever coming back. Apparently the more modern packs weren't as interesting when they came with a pregnant mate.

"I'll go pack up my things," Jensen said before he could say something to make him and Jeff argue again. They had done that enough even after the broken bowl.

What he hadn't considered was the way his sense of smell had changed, first with the changing and then again with the pregnancy and stepping inside the bedroom he was assaulted by Jared's scent. The bed was unmade and Jensen suddenly remembered he hadn't changed the sheets since Jared had left and he had to fight to not go lay down and roll himself in the lingering scent.

Dropping his duffel bag on the bed he made his way over to the closet, trying to ignore Jared's clothes while gathering up his own even though it wasn't the easiest thing to do. Out in the living room he could hear Jeff move around, putting things into boxes that Jensen was sure other members of the pack would pick up later. Living with Jared had been a dream come true, for as short a time as it lasted and Jensen felt bile rise up his throat when he thought of what he had lost. He didn't really think of what he was doing, just pushing clothes into the bag without any real thought as to what he was bringing. It wasn't like he would be able to wear them once he started showing anyway.

"Need any help?"

Jensen looked back over his shoulder and saw Jeff standing in the doorway, a bag of his own thrown over his shoulder.

"Think I'm done here," Jensen said and forced himself to leave the bedroom, not caring about all the clothes he left behind.

He was sure Jeff would make sure it got taken care of but in that moment he couldn't deal with it. Instead he made his way to the kitchen, Jeff a few steps behind him.

"Technically my lease isn't up on my old apartment," Jensen said. "I just didn't care, after the change I needed to be here. I have nothing left there to gather up though. I brought it all here."

Jeff didn't answer and Jensen wasn't surprised, the beta seemed to know when Jensen was talking _to_ him and when he was just talking because it was too hard to keep it all inside of him. He was just about to say they should leave when his eyes caught on a photo of him and Jared pinned to the fridge. It was a picture he had always loved. Even though the way they were looking at each other could only be described as sappy, there was no denying the love shining between them.

"People who think all you need is love need to fuck off," Jensen muttered, tugging the picture down and looking at it.

"Maybe you need more, but love is a pretty damn good start," Jeff said with a shrug.

Jensen was about to protest that when his gaze fell to a glinting object in Jeff's hand, something that the beta was turning back and forth.

"What have you got there?" Jensen asked and he could hear how strangled his voice was.

Jeff held the item out and Jensen felt his blood turn cold at the sight of the watch in Jeff's hand, the black leather all too familiar.

"This?" Jeff asked, holding up the watch. "I found it on the bathroom counter, didn't want to leave it behind. It looks expensive."

Jensen looked at the watch with its perfect balance of metal and leather and he knew just how it had looked when it was strapped around Jared's wrist.

"He's not coming back," Jensen said, the words slamming into him hard and making him reach out to grab the kitchen counter.

"What? Why do you say that?" Jeff asked.

"I gave him that watch," Jensen said. "Our first Valentine’s Day, and he never went anywhere without it. I should've known but...we never used the guest bathroom. Never. And he knew that, he left it there."

Jeff walked over, holding out the watch to Jensen and he could only stare down at it, remembering when he had given it to Jared, the joy written on his boyfriend's face.

"It was in the bathroom, maybe he forgot to put it on when he…"

"No!" Jensen interrupted angrily, looking from the watch to the photograph in his hands. "He wouldn't leave it if he… He's gone, Jeff. He left me and he left our...pup."

The sound of paper tearing was loud and Jensen stared down at the ripped photograph in his hands and he felt his heart ache at the rip separating them. Dropping the pieces on the counter he walked past Jeff, leaving the torn pieces of him and Jared behind as he walked out the door of the apartment they had called home.

 

Jensen knew it was only the fact that he was really good at what he did that still kept him employed. Not even Amanda's fondness for him had been able to keep the steel in her voice at bay during their last conversation.

And now he was failing at the one thing that had kept him sane during the month of radio silence from Jared. Work had been the one thing he could focus on, that gave him a few hours of respite from all the worries and fears coursing inside him. But nothing could take his thoughts away from how his body was changing. It was one thing that he started to show, something that was surreal enough in itself, but to have a rather prominent bump after barely one and a half months was the last thing he had expected and it forced him to think about things he had tried to ignore.

His gaze drifted away from the manuscript he should be working on and down to where his t-shirt was stretched over his rounded middle.

"Jeff," he said, making the beta look up from where he had been sitting reading through a big book on Pack Law.

"Yes?" Jeff asked calmly, one eyebrow raised.

"I think I need to ask something very important," Jensen said, resting one hand on his belly.

In the month that had passed since Jared left, Jeff had been a near constant presence and Jensen had to admit that the man had a soothing effect on him. And it was nice to have a buffer between him and the rest of the pack. Most of them seemed either awed of him having turned omega, or somehow blamed him for Jared not being around.

"How can I help? Jeff asked as he put the heavy book away.

"Just how long are weres pregnant?" Jensen said. "I mean, I took for granted it was the same as for humans but then this…"

He made a motion towards the swell of his belly and he saw Jeff frown in confusion for a moment before his eyes went wide in surprise.

"Oh, fuck," Jeff groaned. "I totally forgot about that, shit. I'm sorry Jensen. No, it's not nine months for werewolves. Our pups are born after four months."

Jensen's mind ground to a screeching halt and he didn't know how long had passed before he blinked his vision into focus again, looking from his belly to Jeff and then down at his belly again.

"Four months, that mean's my pup will arrive in less than three months. It's too soon, much too soon."

What little planning he had managed to do crumbled to pieces, the schedule re-aligning itself and he had no idea how he would be able to get through things without Jared there by his side. Jensen sighed at the thought, staring down at his belly and he caught himself wondering just when he would feel the little pup inside him move for the first time. He clenched his hands into fists at the thought that Jared wouldn't be there, wouldn't feel the pup move, wouldn't be there to welcome it to the world. The ever-present anger rose up higher and Jensen clenched his hands into fists, hating that he was alone at a time when he really shouldn't be.

"I'm sorry, Jensen," Jeff told him quietly. "What Jared did…"

"Everyone is sorry," Jensen snapped. "Doesn't really change anything though, does it? He still left me. Fucking bastard."

He wanted to say more, wanted to shout and curse as he hadn't allowed himself to but before he could say anything more they were disturbed by commotion from the front of the house.

"What the…" Jeff said, getting up and walking out into the living room.

Jensen followed him, stopping in the doorway when Sam came through the front door, followed by a group of people Jensen had never seen before. That they were werewolves was obvious even to Jensen, but there was something more to it, a wildness that the Strong River Pack didn't possess and Jensen had to fight the urge to take a step back from them.

"Jensen," Samantha said and he was surprised by the way everyone turned to look at him. "These are members of the Black Rock Pack. Gerald and Sharon Padalecki."

The pieces clicked into place and Jensen felt something hard settle in his belly because this was Jared's family, but his mate was nowhere to be seen.

"This is Jensen Ackles, your son's mate," Samantha said and even though Jensen wanted to scoff at proclamation of mateship there was an edge to Sam's voice that stopped him.

"Our son's very pregnant mate," Sharon said, sounding stunned and then she was moving forward until Jensen found himself face to face to a woman that smelled surprisingly much like Jared. "A turned omega, I've never thought I'd see something like that. The modern world comes with so many surprises."

"That's one way of putting it," Jensen muttered. "Does Jared really hate me being omega so much that he can't come here himself?"

Sharon went absolutely still, looking at Jensen in shock before she turned to Sam and Jensen felt as if the air turned thicker by the second.

"My son isn't here?" she asked, voice dipping down into a growl.

The world tilted sideways and before Sam had the chance to answer he was moving forward. He didn't care who these people were, didn't care about the air of power surrounding them.

"What do you mean?" he asked, reaching out to grab Sharon's hand. "Jared left me to go to you. He found out I was pregnant and he _left_ me."

Sharon went pale and Gerald reached out to wrap one arm around her shoulders, keeping her up and Jensen couldn't make sense of what was happening.

"Sam, what's he talking about?" Gerald asked. "My son lives with your pack now, he has not come to us. And Jared would _never_ leave his mate! How can you even think that? You know him better than that ,Sam. He would not abandon a pregnant mate."

Jensen expected to be pushed away but to his surprise Gerald wrapped his free arm around Jensen's shoulders, pulling him in closer and turning the three of them to face Sam.

"Jared sent a text message to Jensen, saying he was going to you. That was the last we heard from him and we thought it was because cell phones don't work where you live. It's why I sent the messenger asking your family to come back here," Sam explained.

That surprised Jensen, he'd had no idea Sam had done anything like that and looking over at her and Jeff he saw his own surprise mirrored on Jeff's face for a moment before the Padalecki's words sunk in.

"Jared isn't with you?" Sam asked, worry tinting her voice. "But…"

"Where is he?" Gerald asked. "That's what I want to know!"

 

The loud voices carried all the way to Jensen's room even though he was quite sure that Sam and Jeff had taken Jared's parents to the kitchen, trying to give him some space. Distance didn't help, not when everything Jensen had assumed had turned out to be false and Jensen looked down at the torn pieces of the photograph that Jeff had insisted on taking with him from the apartment. Jensen didn't want to look at them, but he couldn't get himself to throw them away a second time.

He had been so sure that Jared had left him and he had seen the anger in Sharon's eyes when she realized what they all had assumed. Jensen should have known better, he should have trusted in Jared and believed that his mate would never willingly have left him and their pup behind. Guilt coiled into a hard knot in his belly, making his entire body ache. Jared hadn't given up on him, on them, but Jensen had and because of that Jared had been gone for weeks, no one really looking for him.

"I'm sorry," Jensen mumbled, trying to fit the pieces back together but there was a piece missing and Jensen knew the picture would never be complete again.

They still had no answers as to why Jared had left, no idea of what reasoning he might have had but Jensen feared the worst and he knew he wasn't the only one. He was sure that each and every one of them felt like Jensen did, that they had let Jared down but they didn't have anyone to blame. Except for Jensen who couldn't stop blaming himself. His mind was full of thoughts of _what if_ but he couldn't know for sure if things would have gone different had he just listened to Jared instead of being focused on his work. Work that just didn't feel as important anymore when he didn't have Jared to talk to about it all. Jared had made himself a vital part of Jensen's life and it was only now that he allowed himself to miss Jared instead of being angry that he really felt the pain of losing him.

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts and he put the torn pieces down before going to unlock the door.

"Mrs. Padalecki," he said, surprised to see the woman standing outside with two cups of tea in her hands.

"Sharon," she corrected him. "Can I come inside?"

Jensen stepped aside and the two of them made their way over to the big armchairs in front of the wide windows. He didn't miss the way Sharon's gaze kept drifting down to Jensen's belly and he had to fight to not wrap his arms around his middle, protecting the life inside him.

"We don't blame you," Sharon said, as if she had been knowing where Jensen's thoughts had been. "Jared used to send letters, not that we go to the post office often but when we did we always had a few waiting for us. We knew about you, he told us about hoping to one day ask you to turn."

Jensen didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry and the sound that left him was a sort of hysterical laugh that he was barely able to bite back.

"He didn't ask," Jensen said. "But I can't regret it."

Sharon nodded and this time her gaze lingered on Jensen's rounded belly and there was a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she sipped at her tea. Jensen reached for the other cup, needing to keep his hands busy. Perhaps it was a mother thing but having Sharon there calmed him down for the first time since the Padaleckis had arrived. It was also nice to see someone look at his pregnant body with even the glimmer of the same pride he imagined Jared would show. He thought it would have felt wrong to see his body change, but now with the knowledge that Jared hadn't willingly left him, Jensen could see everything in a different light and he loved to see the proof of his and Jared's pup growing inside of him.

"I need to find out what happened to my son," Sharon said with a sigh. "Everything we've tried has turned up nothing and… I can't see my boy just leaving. He wouldn't do that."

"I know," Jensen sighed.

And that was the thing, he _did_ know and he should have known all along. But knowing it now didn't bring Jared back to him.

"Gerald thinks something bad has happened," Sharon told him. "And I believe it as well. Jared didn't leave you, not willingly, he never would. I just can't understand what could have happened to him."

"I’ve got people I can call," Jensen said. "Hell, I need to… I can't just sit here, doing nothing and waiting for something to land on my lap. I've left him out there. I need him back."

Sharon put the cup down, looking over at Jensen with sad eyes and he had a hard time not squirming under her gaze. He couldn't really believe that she wasn't blaming him for what had happened.

"Everyone left him," Sharon said and there was a hint of disapproval to her voice. "Jared wouldn't… I thought people knew that but I guess it was easy to believe. Whatever happened to him, the timing made everything fit together. Too well."

Jensen winced at the words, knowing it was all true but he still couldn't believe how easily he had believed that Jared had abandoned him.

"You can't go around calling people," Sharon said, making Jensen focus back on her. "We must keep secret, even now. What ever we do must be with the good of the packs in mind, not only the good of Jared."

Jensen didn't even bother to answer that. He knew fully well where his priorities lay.

 

Jensen could hear the hushed voices in the living room and he stopped outside the door, listening to Sam and Jeff speak with someone whose voice Jensen couldn't place.

"- and you think it's connected?"

"I don't know," the stranger answered and Jensen could hear pacing footsteps against the oak floor. "But it's the only lead we have."

"But if Jared had been kidnapped, he would have shifted and defended himself. This doesn't make sense."

Jensen leaned forward further at the mention of his boyfriend's name, needing to know but the mention of kidnapping made his blood go cold. It wasn't as if he hadn't realized something had happened, but to to have his own worst nightmares confirmed made everything even worse.

"Ten human male disappearances," the stranger said. "They are from different counties so I guess that's why people haven't been able to put two and two together, but they were all tall and with quite a bit of muscle."

They were all like Jared, Jensen realized and he pushed the door open, stepping inside and three faces turned to look at him.

"Has someone kidnapped my mate?" he asked, resting one hand on the swell of his belly and he thought he could imagine movement inside.

"Jensen," Sam said, standing up. "This is Mark Sheppard, he's a human associate and he might have some news about Jared.”

"I heard," Jensen said, not bothering to cover up the fact that he had been eavesdropping. "What are you doing to get him back?"

"Gerald and Sharon are already heading to town, they'll talk with our associates there and see if we can find out what information the different police districts have," Jeff explained.

"There's one lead," Mark Sheppard said. "We don't know if there's any truth behind it but people are talking about some underground organization setting up fights for people to bet on. It's not much, but right now it's all that we have."

"So why are we here?" Jensen asked, looking around the room. "Jared is out there, why are you standing here talking? The fighting ring, that's a lead. It's the first lead we’ve gotten and you just-"

"Jensen," Sam interrupted him. "We can't just barge in there baring our teeth. There's more to this than just that. Things to consider."

Jensen clenched his hands together into fists, claws longing to come out and he couldn't keep a low growl back, all his previous guilt suddenly turned into anger.

"Consider?" Jensen asked. "My mate is out there, he has been out there for months and you want me to consider? I want Jared back!"

"We all want Jared back!" Sam snapped, straightening her back and in that moment she was every inch the Pack Alpha. "But I have a pack to think about here. If we go in there full force people will ask questions that we're not prepared to answer."

It was hard to believe what he was hearing but Jensen couldn't even find it in himself to be surprised. He wished Jared's parents were there, hoping that they would feel the same way he himself did but he knew they were just as strict when it came to keeping the werewolf community secret.

"You keep forgetting one thing," Jensen said, forcing his voice to sound calm. "I'm not a part of your pack. I'm not a part of anything and all I give a fuck about right now is getting my mate home before our pup is born. That's _all_ I care about."

He turned and walked out, ignoring the flash of hurt he saw on Sam's face before she got herself under control. No one came after him and he was grateful for it, knowing he'd need every second he could win before people figure out just what his plan was. Even if Sam and the rest of the Strong River Pack had decided to lay low, gather more information, there was no way Jensen could do so. His own car stood buried under a thick layer of snow but he knew just where Sam always left the keys to the pack's Ranger Rover and he grabbed them before heading out into the cold.

"I'm coming for you," Jensen mumbled, even as he put the car in gear, making the snow spray out behind it as he left the mansion behind him.

They didn't have much of a lead to go by, but anything was better than nothing. Jensen had no plans to go back to the Strong River Pack without Jared.

 

 

"I need to know, Chris, I need answers," Jensen snapped into the phone, stalking back and forth across the living room of what had once been his old apartment.

"Last I heard you had a desk job," Chris pointed out. "I'm not saying anything that I think could get you killed."

Jensen cursed low under his breath even though he was sure Chris could hear every word he said. Calling on his old friend hadn't been an easy choice but it was the only choice that held even the vaguest possibility of actually finding the information he needed.

"Chris, I can't tell you why," Jensen said, not for the first time. "But someone I care about is gone and…"

"And what, you will save them?" Chris asked, incredulity in his voice.

There wasn't a real answer to that, not to a person Jensen hadn't seen since his college years. All he knew about his former roommate was that Chris was involved in the MMA scene and that was the only shot he had at finding out anything about what might have happened.

"Chris."

"No, don't you _Chris_ me," Chris snapped. "I haven't heard from you in years and now you call me with this? What has happened, Jensen? We used to be friends, fucking talk to me!"

Jensen sank down on the couch, looking to the windows covered by curtains, everything to make sure that no one saw him and the telltale swell of his belly. He knew that Chris was waiting for an answer but he had no idea how to make his old friend understand. Not when it was too much to tell even his own family, a thought he had pushed aside for months already.

"It's not my story to tell," Jensen said quietly. "But I want to know. No, Chris, I _need_ know what's happening. I think...someone has done something to my…"

The word _mate_ was almost out of his mouth before he managed to bite it back but he could tell that Chris knew he was hiding something. Sharing a room for two years had made the two of them attuned and no matter the different paths they had chosen since, Jensen knew he would always have a friend in Chris. He just hoped that the friendship would be enough to let him save Jared.

"I'll tell you everything," Jensen promised, knowing he would say anything to get to Jared. "But not right now, I can't...you'll have questions and this is not the time. If he dies…"

Jensen swallowed down the lump in his throat at the thought that he might already be too late, something that he couldn't really allow himself to think about. He couldn't be too late, it just wasn't an option.

"I'll look and see what I can find," Chris promised. "But don't you go running off doing something crazy without me, okay?"

When Jensen promised that he knew he was lying because there was no way that Jensen could bring Chris with him. It wasn't the way for them to meet again and he sure as hell didn't plan on meeting his old friend with his belly stretched with pup. Ending the phone call he lay down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling but he couldn't relax, his entire body too tensed. With a sigh he pushed his clothes off and shifted into his wolf form, rolling himself into a ball on the couch and hiding his muzzle under one of his paws.

He wasn't even aware of drifting off into sleep until the phone woke him up and for a moment he was too confused to change back. But once he managed to get back to human form he felt his belly drop at the sight of Chris' name on the display.

"Chris? Got news?"

"Fucking hell, Jen, what have you gotten yourself into?" Chris asked.

Jensen sighed, dreading whatever information could come after something like that.

"Chris? Do you have something for me?"

He heard his friend sigh across the phone line and Jensen sank down on the couch, running his free hand through his hair as he tried to force his breath to calm down. Not that anything he did was likely to help once Chris started talking.

"I'm not sure. There are rumours about something happening in the old factory down on Elm Street, but no one can confirm it," Chris said. "But no one denies it, so I think there's truth behind it. If this person you're looking for is involved in this, I think you'll find him there. I'm free tomorrow evening and I can go with you. I can probably find a few people to come along as well. The people around here don't like these people giving what we're doing a bad reputation."

Jensen had a lead, the first real lead since the day Jared's text had turned his entire world upside down and he had troubles breathing as a surge of relief welled up inside of him.

"Tomorrow evening, sounds awesome," Jensen said even as he was getting up off the couch.

He had no real idea of what he said to Chris, making promises that he had no intention of keeping, not when he finally had even the vaguest idea of where Jared might be. Ending the phone call with Chris, Jensen moved towards the front door. There was no way he was waiting for Chris and his friends, not when he had a chance to see Jared again. He could only hope that the evening was late enough for the darkness to keep him hidden.

 

With his sensitive nose Jensen could smell the sour stench of fear and sweat, the room around him dark but he could see the place where the evening’s fighting had happened. He could even smell the blood that must have been spilled in the fierce fighting and anger coiled into a hard knot in his belly. He could feel the life inside him stir, woken up by its father's emotions and Jensen vowed silently that each and every one would pay for the pain they had caused him, his mate and their unborn pup..

Under the less appealing odors of the room there was something else though, something that was home and love and need tangled together, the scent of Jared barely there but still all that Jensen had longed for in the time that had passed since last he saw his mate. It was the first proof that the lead he had been following was real. His mate had been there and Jensen was sure that the scent was fresh enough that Jared must still be somewhere close.

 _I'm coming for you_ , he thought to himself. _And I'm sorry I ever doubted you._

The first guard was easy to take down, and Jensen didn't even stop to consider what he was doing before he lunged at the man, showing no mercy. In the darkness of the old factory the man had barely time to open his mouth, much less cry out or get off a shot. His blood was thick on Jensen's tongue but it didn't really register and he was moving forward before the body had fallen to the ground. It was obvious that whomever ran the fight club was sure they wouldn't be discovered, too secure in the abandoned old building. And no one had expected for the one to get inside to be more-than-human. Jensen considered himself lucky, the rounded swell of his belly wasn't too prominent in wolf form, but it was still somewhat in the way when he moved.

Walking down the stairs he was met with a foul smell, unclean bodies and probably more than one open drain but the scent of Jared was stronger as well and Jensen hurried his steps, slinking through open doors until he found one that wasn't left open. A man was sitting on a rickety chair but he must have been more alert than the one upstairs because when Jensen rounded the corner the man pushed up, reaching for his gun even as he went.

As quick as the man was, Jensen was faster and he threw himself at the guard.

He saw the gun liftin up in the air but his sharp teeth closed around the man's wrist before he could aim and the first bullet slammet into the floor, sending up small sharp shards that cut into the soft pads of Jensen's feet. The sting of pain didn't matter, not when he felt bone break under his teeth and the man cried out. Together the two sounds, gunshot and scream, was sure to draw the attention of someone, so Jensen knew he had to work fast. Killing someone wasn't anything he had ever expected himself to be willing to do, but for his mate and the life growing inside him, there wasn't anything Jensen wasn't prepared to do. And the wolf side of him wanted to roar in victory when he tore open the throat of the human, feeling human blood wetting his fur.

The man died with a gurgling sound but Jensen had no time to stop and and consider what he had done. Instead he shifted, returning to his more fragile human form for the time it took to unlock the door and push it open. Looking down at his own body he froze for a second, staring at the smears of blood over the stretch of his belly and he trembled at the sight.

"I'm doing this for you," he mumbled, stroking one hand over his taut skin and he could feel the way his pup moved inside him.

Before he had time to shift back he heard a voice call out from inside, a voice that he had longed to hear since the day Jared walked out of the apartment door.

"Who's there? Just because I've fought today doesn't mean I'm not prepared to fight again!"

Naked and with his body still smeared in blood Jensen stepped through the door. Even though the room had several cages, all of them with men inside, there was only one person that could hold Jensen's focus in that moment.

"Jen?"

Jared rose up from the place where he had been crouched in the corner of the cage, his whole body tensed and his eyes wide. His previously shiny hair was matted, hanging in stripes around a face that looked tired and worn in a way Jensen had never seen before. Jared's body was just as well muscled as he remembered it, but his skin had the unhealthy tone of someone that hadn't had a hot bath in much too long, and hadn't seen sunlight in even longer.

"Jared," Jensen breathed out, keys clinking in his hand and he was moving across the room without being fully aware of having taken the first step.

"How can you be here?" Jared asked, voice rough with emotions. "I can't...you're here and you're… Holy fuck."

Jensen's fingers felt thick and clumsy as he fumbled with the keys, desperate to get to his mate.

"You can't…"

That time it wasn't Jared speaking and Jensen spun around to look at the other cages where dirty men stared at him, fingers clenched around the metal bars. Only then did he realize what he must look like, covered in human blood, naked and with his rounded belly on display.

"Get me out," Jared growled and in his voice Jensen could hear the fighter that Jared had been forced to become.

With one last flick of his wrist the door flung open and Jared was in motion. But to Jensen's surprise all he did was grab Jensen's arm painfully tight and practically drag him out of the room without a single word. Behind them the men called out for them, begging to be let out as well but Jared spared neither of them a glance before kicking the door shut and locking it behind them.

"Jensen!"

The scent of Jared was all around him when his mate pushed him up against the door, mouth covering Jensen's and the kiss was full of all the pent up longing and need of months apart. Jensen pressed himself up against Jared, tasting him and running his hands over his skin, needing to feel that Jared was alive. That he was right _there_.

"You really were pregnant," Jared mumbled when he pulled back. "I hoped you were, have been dreaming about it all this time."

"Our child is in there, although...lately I've been starting to think there might be more than one," Jensen said, looking down at himself and the way Jared's hand had moved to rest over the top of his belly. "I would have...gotten to you sooner. Should have and - fuck!"

He pulled back from Jared in shock, staring at his mate. When he had reached up to wrap one hand around Jared's neck, something had burnt his skin and sent a crawling feeling up his arm.

"Silver," Jared answered, rolling his head from side to side and Jensen's gaze fell to the collar around his mate's neck. "Couldn't shift, stuck like this even when the full moon was commanding me to. The pain of it, you can't imagine… Thought I was gonna go insane with it…"

Suddenly it made complete sense why Jared had never shifted, apart from the fear of revealing the existence of werewolves to the humans and Jensen hissed when he reached out to touch the collar once more. There was no way either of them would be able to get it open.

"We need to get out of here," Jensen said, remembering the sharp crack of the gun. "Someone will notice that something has happened, soon. What about the men inside?"

"No!" Jared snapped, throwing the keys down the floor. "Leave them."

Jensen was surprised by that, it wasn't what he would have expected of Jared and he didn't really feel comfortable about it. They weren't there by choice no more than Jared had been.

"Why?"

"Because they saw you," Jared answered. "If we go in there someone will ask questions, I can't explain this to them. I can't put you in danger, more danger than you are. Well let the pack deal with them. Which...where are the others?"

"There are no others," Jensen said, looking down at his bloodied body and fighting the nausea that wanted to roll through him. "The pack wanted to wait for more answers, not go barging in and risk revealing us but I couldn't leave you here, Jay. I just couldn't. And now I got…"

For the first time he stopped to really look at himself, the blood on his arms and belly and he knew it must be smeared on his face as well. His voice caught in his throat and he started to tremble when it sank in what he had done. In his wolf form it had been so easy, instincts driving each attack but it wasn't him, it wasn't who he was.

"Jensen?"

Jared's voice didn't really register, not penetrating the panic attack Jensen could feel approaching and he had to rest one hand against the wall to keep himself upright while his vision narrowed, edges fading into black.

"I killed people," Jensen mumbled, trying to wipe the blood from his belly with one hand but all he managed was to smear the blood out even further. "I killed them, I got their blood on my hands. On my…Oh, god."

He could taste it, the remnants of the men's blood on his tongue and there was no way he could keep it back any longer. Vaguely he registered Jared's hand on his back as he leaned with two hands against the wall, leaning forward as he emptied his belly on the dirty concrete flooring. His belly rolled again when he saw the mixture of what little he had eaten, but it was all tinted with the blood Jensen hadn't even realized he had swallowed when he killed men to get to Jared.

"You did what you had to," Jared soothed him, his hand dragging over Jensen's back. "We both did. I killed people in that ring, Jen. It was them or me and I would do it all over again. I will kill anyone that stands between us."

Jensen gagged, bile rising up even though he had nothing left to throw up any longer and he felt his entire body shaking, chills traveling up his spine.

"Jensen," Jared said, his voice sharp as a whip and it was enough to make Jensen look up at him in shock. "I know you're upset, and I understand everything. I'm sorry I forced this life on you, I'm sorry that your wolf made you kill for me. But right now, I need you to keep it together a bit longer. I _need_ you!"

Those words pulled Jensen back to the very reason he was standing naked and covered in blood in an old factory, concrete floor cold beneath his feet. But nothing of that mattered, not when he had Jared's hand resting against his skin.

"I did it for you," Jensen managed to get out, spitting to get his mouth free from the vile taste. "I can do more, I think."

Jared nodded, leaning in to press a kiss to Jensen's temple, the simple touch soothing Jensen further and he could feel his resolve strengthening. He had come this far and there was no way he would back away, not when they were so close to being safe.

"Just a little while longer," Jared promised him. "You're so fucking strong. But I can't shift and right now I need you to. There's someone out there that I need revenge on."

Jensen had never imagined Jared sounding as bloodthirsty as he did in that moment, teeth bared in growl so feral that he didn't need his other form to seem more animal than human.

"Jen, they put a collar on me. That very first evening. Whoever took me, they knew what I was."

Another chill ran down Jensen's spine and he growled even as he was changing, transformation rippling through him. The next moment he was back in his wolf form, leading Jared back the way he had come. Jared stepped over the body of the fallen guard, only reaching down to grab the discarded gun before he caught up with Jensen. Seeing the body made Jensen's belly roll once more at the obvious proof of what he had done but he forced those thoughts away, instead continuing up the stairs. He became aware of the unfamiliar scent the same moment they stepped through the open doorway and into the main area of the factory. Apparently Jared had as well because he ducked the same moment a bullet slammed into the wall beside them.

"Fuck," Jared cursed, throwing himself forward and rolling even as his own gun came up to aim at the shadow in front of them.

"You're not getting away so easily, Padalecki," a voice called out in the dark.

Jensen's eyes narrowed, seeing a man half hidden behind one of the pillars that held up the roof and the next moment he realized why he hadn't reacted to the scent earlier; the man hiding in the dark was another werewolf.

"Show yourself," Jared growled and Jensen looked to the side in time to see Jared firing off a shot that ricocheted off the concrete.

"I'm the reason you're here," the voice taunted. "The money I've made on you and you think I'll just let you walk away? Now that you've even brought me another way to make money? You'll fight so well knowing I got your little mate."

The roar that left Jensen bounced off the bare walls, too loud in the stillness and he saw the man flinch, turning to the side slightly to see where Jensen was moving through the shadows. He knew that he had the upper hand: while werewolves had good eyesight even in their human forms, neither of them would have anything on Jensen's night vision and he counted on that to keep him safe.

"Who are you?" Jared demanded, making the stranger's focus shift back to him.

"You don't know me," the man answered and Jensen could see his shoulders move in a shrug. "But I know of you. I know just enough to -"

Jensen didn't wait for him to continue, instead leaping forward. But instead of aiming for the hand holding the gun, he let his teeth sink down into the man's calf and a scream rang out together with the sharp sound of the gun firing once more. The man went down and Jensen moved in for the kill but before he could do it Jared was there, crouching down and pressing his gun between the man's suddenly terrified eyes.

"You kidnapped me to earn some money?" Jared asked in a hard voice.

"A lot of money," the man on the ground corrected him.

"And you would kidnap my mate, to keep me at bay?" Jared snarled. "You've kept me from my mate and our pups long enough."

"No, I can -"

The voice ended with the gun going off, a perfect hole appeared in the man's forehead and Jensen howled with victory when the man's eyes turned glassy.

Jensen stumbled back, falling over his own paws before he managed to turn back to his human form and standing on all fours he kept retching time and time again, the last kill too much for him to deal with. He felt angry tears roll down his cheeks. He couldn't regret the man's death, would have killed him himself if Jared had not, but even that knowledge wasn't the same as seeing someone being shot in the head by his own mate.

"Keys," he heard Jared mutter behind him. "He has to have keys somewhere."

Looking back over his shoulder he saw Jared fumble through the man's pockets and he could tell the very moment his boyfriend found what he was looking for, a low curse and a hiss as he pulled his hand back.

"It's silver," Jared groaned.

Looking at the man on the floor Jensen saw the blood starting to pool out from under his head, a slow trickle running down from the hole in his forehead but he couldn't think of that. Instead he forced himself up off the floor and walked over, looking at the small key Jared had dropped to the ground. Reaching for the body on the ground he forced himself to tug at the man’s shirt, pulling at a sleeve hard enough for the fabric to rip and carefully he used that to lift the key up. He could still feel the silver burn, even through the cloth. He winced as he quickly reached out for Jared, forcing himself to hold it until he heard the click of the lock and the next moment the collar dropped to the floor. With a curse Jensen dropped the key beside it, raising his fingers to his mouth and sucking at the spot where it felt as he had just burnt himself.

"Finally," Jared groaned, circling his head and Jensen winced when he saw the red mark left behind on his mate's neck.

Even though the collar had been lined on the inside with leather, the constant presence of silver so close to Jared had left a mark deep enough that Jensen was afraid that his mate might be left with a scar from it even with werewolf healing.

"What now?" Jensen asked, trying to not look at the dead man.

"We need to get out of here. I'll call Sam when we're home and she'll make sure someone comes to clean this place up," Jared said. "No one can find out what we are, and I'm sure she'll convince the other prisoners that keeping quiet about this is in their best interest. Now, Jensen, take me home."

Not waiting for an answer Jared shifted into his wolf form, shaking himself and Jensen could tell how much he was relishing being back on four paws.

_Time to go home, Jensen._

Jensen knew that home wasn't his old, almost empty apartment that he had hidden away in. No, home was Jared's apartment, the one where they barely had time to live together before everything went to hell. They might not have much left there but it was home.

 

"You saved me."

It wasn't the first time Jared had said it since they entered the apartment, both of them happy that Jared lived on the first floor and that they hadn't run into any neighbors in the early morning hours. Standing under the hot stream of the shower Jared's hands moved over Jensen's body, cleaning off the blood at the same time as his own body was cleared of dirt and sweat.

"I'll always save you," Jensen said, knowing he'd have to tell Jared about the doubts he'd had but this was not the moment for it.

"You put our pups in danger," Jared said, fingertips brushing over Jensen's belly. "But I can't be upset about it, I've longed for you so much. That day, I was so sure you were pregnant but it's unheard of for someone turned to become an omega, I couldn't really believe it."

"It was a lot to deal with," Jensen admitted. "But it's not what I want to talk about right now."

Jared's gaze darkened and he pushed Jensen up against the cool tiles, the curve of Jensen's belly forcing some distance between them but Jensen thought that made things even better. Once he had gotten used to the fact that he was pregnant, he couldn't really deny how good it felt, or how the hormones messed with his libido. He needed to feel Jared, to have him in any way possible until there was no doubt of how alive they both were.

Jared seemed to feel the same way because he dragged Jensen out of the shower the moment they were clean enough, drying them off with a big soft towel before tugging Jensen towards the bedroom.

"You're so fucking gorgeous like this," Jared mumbled as they fell onto the bed, lips sliding together in desperate kisses. "I've dreamt about it, even before… How you would look all rounded with my pups, feeling them move inside you. But I never dared to hope."

A small groan left Jensen when Jared's hand continued down to wrap loosely around his half-hard dick, knuckles brushing against the underside of Jensen's belly when he slowly started stroking. Pleasure shot up from where Jared's fingers were wrapping around his dick, the intimacy something that Jensen had missed so very much during the months apart.

"Jay," Jensen groaned, his hips rising up to push into the circle of his mate's fingers.

"I can smell you getting wet for me," Jared said, his voice rough with emotions. "Should've known from your first heat, so damn strong and now…"

Jensen could smell it as well, could feel how his body was preparing for Jared's cock and he needed his mate inside him, needed to feel Jared claiming him once more. During the time Jared had been away, Jensen's fear had been killing any thoughts of arousal but with Jared back, his hard body pressed against him, Jensen's libido was coming to life in full force. Jared's body wasn't as strong as Jensen remembered it, months of too much fighting and too little food taking its toll but Jensen didn't care, not when he finally had his mate with him again.

"Now I need you," Jensen demanded. "I've missed you so fucking much and…"

He pushed that thought away, not wanting to think of the things he'd had to do to get Jared back again, those were thoughts that didn't belong in their bed. Instead he focused on the way Jared's skin felt under the tips of his fingers, dragging his hands through Jared's hair, trying to tug him up further. Jared went willingly, his hand still wrapped around Jensen's dick as he leaned in and pressed their lips together.

"I need to have you as well," Jared groaned and his hand moved from Jensen's cock, stroking up over his belly.

They both stilled when the life inside Jensen moved, pressing against Jared's hand and he saw his mate's eyes widen as he took the movements in.

"There's absolutely more than one in there," Jared said, spreading his fingers out over Jensen's belly. "Our pups."

"Jay," Jensen groaned.

Having his pup's move under Jared's hands was the most erotic thing he had ever experienced, his cock twitching in search for more pleasure and he could tell from Jared's smile that his mate noticed and his focus shifted from Jensen's belly as his hands drifted down between Jensen's legs.

"Fuck, Jay," Jensen gasped. "Stop teasing me."

"No teasing," Jared promised.

Jensen didn't have time to protest that statement before he felt one finger circle his rim, the soft teasing touch enough to make his body leak more slick and Jensen couldn't deny how much he loved the changes that allowed his body to willingly open when Jared pushed a finger inside. The natural slick made the glide easy and Jensen realized just how much he had missed sharing this with Jared as his mate pushed a second finger inside, preparing him even though his body was so obviously ready.

"Damn, you're so fucking wet for me," Jared mumbled, sounding stunned. "My strong mate."

He could feel how hard Jared was, his cock pressing against Jensen's hip and he needed more, demanding it in the way he pushed his hips down, wanting more of Jared's fingers inside him.

"C'mon," Jensen protested. "Fuck me already. Knot me."

"Jen, turn over," Jared mumbled, pressing soft kisses to Jensen's neck, licking over the place where his teeth had once bitten down.

It took Jensen a moment to realize what Jared meant, but then he understood. With the rounded swell of his belly there were only so many positions they could use and Jensen let Jared doll him over on his side, pushing one pillow under his belly to make him more comfortable.

"I've longed to be with you," Jared said, fitting himself up against Jensen's back. "The way you feel, the way you smell. Fucking missed everything about you."

Jensen knew that feeling and he pushed his hips back, groaning when he felt Jared's cock press against his ass, pre-come leaving wet marks on his skin and he loved the feel of it. He knew that once they were tied together, Jared filling him up once more, he would smell of Jared. He would smell like the mated werewolf that he was.

The first touch of Jared's cock against his hole made Jensen tense up but when his mate pushed forward Jensen's body opened up easily, instincts kicking in and he let his head fall back against Jared's shoulder, groaning when he felt the hard cock filling him up.

"I can't believe I'm back with you," Jared gasped behind him. "Dreamt about you all this time, the way you would look, the way you'd feel."

His hand returned to Jensen's belly, stroking circles over taut skin and Jensen covered Jared's hand with his. He could feel the pups move inside of him, lazy movements inside that fit perfectly with the way Jared moved inside him. If he'd have guessed he'd thought that their first time together would have been hurried and filled with desperation but instead they both took time to revel in the feel of being back together. Jared kept kissing his neck, soft touches as his hips rolled against Jensen's ass, cock pushing perfectly and for the first time in months Jensen felt whole again.

Being with Jared had always been amazing, long before the bite that shaped them into something new, but this was making sure they both were okay once more. This time it was more about being _them_ than about getting off and Jensen wanted it to last. Shifting slightly Jared managed to make the next slow thrust push perfectly against Jensen's prostate, making fireworks come to life when he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Fuck," he managed to get out and the thought he could feel Jared's lips stretch into a smile against his shoulder.

"I love you," Jared breathed out behind him at the same time as Jensen could feel the knot starting to swell. "My mate."

"Mate," Jensen agreed, moaning when the knot pushed inside, tugging at his rim and he felt his body produce more slick to easy the way.

The knot was swelling inside of him, making each thrust better than the one before until Jared snapped forward one last time, a hard thrust that lodged the knot deep inside Jensen, tying them together and Jensen's orgasm was pulled from him. He could feel himself clenching around the hard cock inside of him and Jared let out a deep moan as his hips stilled. Jensen could feel his mate's come filling him up. Their mixed scents filled the room and that made Jensen's orgasm drag out even further and Jared let his hand slide down to rub the come over Jensen's distended belly. He knew he should feel dirty, but there was something with the imagery that made both body and mind relax, wiping away the memory of his own blood-covered skin.

Jensen looked back over his shoulder at Jared and for the first time since he had stepped through the door of the factory, he really felt like he had his mate back. A sated little smile played on Jared's lips and his eyes were half lidded with contentment. With their bodies tied together there was nowhere either of them could go, but Jensen was sure neither of them wanted to be anywhere but where they were in that moment.

"I thought you'd left," Jensen admitted quietly. "You walked out the door and was just gone and… I'm sorry."

Behind him Jared shifted even closer, slotting their bodies together perfectly and Jensen smiled at the closeness.

"I wouldn't have done that," Jared told him firmly. "I was thrilled about the possibility of you being with pups, but even if I hadn't been I wouldn't have just left you. Yeah, I was a bit pissed you didn't have time to talk to me about it but… Fuck, Jen, you're _it_ for me. You were before we mated."

 

Jensen sat on the couch, trying to pull his t-shirt down over his belly and he couldn't help but smile when he heard Jared move around the kitchen, talking to Sam on the phone. Neither of them were quite ready to head back to the packlands, even though Jensen knew he had to now that his delivery date was drawing closer and closer.

"I'm sure, Sam," he heard Jared say. "My parents are coming here this evening and tomorrow we're coming back to the pack. We might have some things to discuss."

He heard some banging sound, pots clattering together, drowning out a bit of the discussion but he knew that Sam and Jeff had already made sure that the pack had dealt with the men held prisoners in the old factory. He also knew that Sheppard had helped smooth things out with the human authorities even though he had no idea of how that had happened. All that mattered to him was that he and Jared were safe. What nightmares he still had from what he had done to get Jared free, he could deal with.

"Right," he heard Jared say. "I don't really care about broken pack laws, not when Jensen saved me and - Oh. Really? Well, yes, I'm proud of him. Very proud. I'll tell him that, see you and Jeff tomorrow."

Jensen rubbed over his arms, the apartment a bit chilly since no one had lived there for awhile and he was sure the heating had been turned off.

"Sam is proud of you," Jared said as he entered the living room. "Well, she's a bit upset you ignored pack law and every agreement we had with humans but you saved me. That means a lot to her."

"Good she has her priorities right," Jensen said, tugging at his t-shirt once more.

"Here," Jared said, wrapping a blanket over Jensen's shoulders and sitting down behind him. "Found this in one of the closets; this place is a bit cold."

The cold didn't seem to affect Jared who was only dressed in a wifebeater and underwear but then Jared was always running hot, even for a werewolf. Jensen leaned back into the touch, smiling when he saw Jared's proud look down at Jensen's belly.

"Not long until we meet them," Jared said, stroking down over Jensen's shoulders.

"About that," Jensen said, deciding to voice something he knew they needed to talk about. "I need to talk to my parents. And I don't care what Sam says but I need to tell at least some people. I have a life outside of the pack, I'm not just giving that up. My parents, Amanda, Chris, they deserve to know what I am. And I want them to know my kids some day."

Jared looked down at him, an unreadable expression on his face and Jensen expected there to be protests but to his surprise the smile returned.

"As the future leader of the Strong River Pack, I might be able to get them to see that the future pack beta can make a few demands. You'll see, it'll all turn out for the best."

 

**\- Epilogue -**

Jensen stretched out on the ground, ears twitching at the high-pitched yipping of his two sons. Connor and Lyall were only a few months old and according to Jared it would be close to the year mark before their mental voices developed, and probably another year before they first learned to turn human. Not that Jensen saw anything bad with that, his two bundles of fur were a handful but at least in their wolf forms they were sturdy and not likely to get hurt on the pack grounds.

 _Are they giving you a hard time?_ Jared asked as he came through the trees, his gray fur sleek and shiny once more.

 _Aren't they always?_ Jensen asked but he could keep the fondness from his voice when Lyall tried to climb on top of him. _Amanda says I need to come into the office some time next week. I hate leaving them behind, even for a few hours._

Telling the humans in his life hadn't been an easy thing, even after the long hours arguing with Sam and Jeff before the pack agreed. No matter what he might have told Sam in anger, Jensen very much considered himself a member of the Strong River Pack, and even an extended member of the Black Rock Pack even now that Jared's parents had returned to their distant home. He hadn't told Jared yet but he thought it might be a good place to bring the pups once they were able to talk, let them see different packs and not only the comforts of the big mansion. And maybe it would be good for Jensen as well; it was hard adjusting to living with the pack instead of in the middle of the city.

 _It might be good for you to see some civilization,_ Jared said, as if he had read Jensen's mind. _And the kids will be - Lyall, stop that!"_

Unsurprisingly Lyall ignored Jared's orders, gladly continuing to try and use Jensen as a jungle gym, sometimes alternating with attacking Jensen's tail. Connor on the other hand was nosing up close to Jared, demanding a washing that Jared indulged.

 _I'm just amazed she allowed me to stay on,_ Jensen said, grateful for the fact that he still had a job.

 _She'd be insane to let you go, pups or not,_ Jared commented, nudging Connor until the pup was on his back and Jared could reach his belly, running his tongue over it until the pup was squirming and yipping. _It's good you have someone like her._

Amanda and Chris had taken the news better than Jensen had expected, but then he was sure both his boss and his old friend had feared something worse and even something like male pregnancy and werewolves was a step up. His parents still hadn't been in touch since he had tried to tell them but he still held hopes they would come around some day. If nothing else he was sure things would be easier when their grandchildren were actual children and not two sandy-colored wolves.

Standing up he huffed out a low bark when Lyall toppled over, whining when his playground was moving away from him.

_Come here, you two._

While the twins weren't able to speak yet, they had a tendency to come running when someone spoke to them and they did so this time as well, wet noses pushing up to nuzzle him and Jensen felt his own tail wagging softly back and forth. He could see the pride in his mate's gaze and Jensen figured that civilization was overrated. Being with his family out in a forest where winter had given way to spring was better than life in the city ever had been.

Jensen might not have planned the things that had happened to him, but with Connor and Lyall doing their best to exhaust him the nightmares of the previous months had faded away and together with Jared he was settling into life in the pack he would one day help leading. It was far from the life he had imagined, but this new life was so much better.

 

**\- The End -**

Make sure to go look at the [**Art Masterpost**](http://shifterkrooi.livejournal.com/19238.html) for even more gorgeous art!


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